Out of Control Teen and ACS
I have a 15 year old girl completely out-of-control. ACS has become involved questioning my discipline stating I have used corporate punishment. She now gets to do whatever she wants and ACS has made no attempt to help the situation besides railroad me and focus on the irrelevant. I have never abused my child. Most recently, my daughter started to stay out passed curfew and steal from me and other family members. I confronted her about it. She became very hostile to the point I had to push her away, which resulted in two minor scratches to her neck. ACS has filed family court petitions against me to terminate my rights along with criminal proceedings. My daughter gets to stay out to in the morning, etc and dares me to intervene by threatening to call ACS with false allegations. I am trying to do all I can do to save my family but my hands are tied. I feel lost and confused on further actions to take if I am allowed any. Any advise legal or from personal experience will be a great help.
2 comments:
It's all in how you word things. The Police in my area have all said that as a parent, I have the right to restrain my child however necessary to prevent harm to me or him. If they question you, let them know your daughter was out of control and that you didn't want her to get hurt so you restrained her. In the process she got scratched. It would be nice to know if your local Police think the same way. I have called mine several times and not once have they taken my son's side when he would cry abuse and I do believe in corporal punishment with him- he's bigger than me, I have to do whatever I can. Let her know that if she stays out again, you'll call the Police. In my area I can report my son as a runaway and if he is found they will take him to a juvenile center til I chose to pick him up. My son also stays out til whenever. I called the Police last week when he was out on a school night til 3am and found out what the laws are for me as a parent so I am not held responsible, plus with all the calls i've made this year, anyone would be able to tell i'm trying to make an effort here in raising my son instead of the law. Good Luck!
I have no great advice for you, because I have not yet found a great solution to my 16 year old son. However, I am subscribing to the belief that their intention is to make things so out of control, that they wear you down to go and do what they want, when they want. And of course, threatening action is what works for your hot button. You have your family to protect. She gets what she wants, and you are left a wreck. I would strongly recommend starting by working with your school psychologist....this will not cost you money, and they will begin to formulate a formal record on your issues and situation, and work with your daughter. Further, you need another professional to assist you with helping formulate your child into a different thinking and behavioral pattern. I think that when we cross over into the "physical" side, that you will not progress....hard as it is, try...not to raise your voice, speak in a flat monotone strong voice, turn away from your child when they get aggressive and hostile. Period. Do not speak. Walk away. Body language is as effective as verbal. And right before you leave the area, turn around and tell her that she has two choices, she can be rational, behave, and find a more productive way to communicate with you, or she can continue to behave in this way, BUT, you will no longer continue to tolerate her behavior. OR..you will have to avail yourself of your choices, and let her know that you have options too... BUT..do not say what they are. .Tell her that you will not put your family at risk because of her, she is welcome to be a part of your family, or not. That would be her choice. You are the adult and if it is necessary, you will avail yourself of your options.
Here is what I did, which worked for awhile..Somewhere that is not especially obvious....but that she will see it...Find out the local numbers of your PINS (PARENTS IN NEED OF SUPPORT) offices....Write the actual phone numbers down, and next to it..put...as if you were taking notes from someone that you were speaking to....A....COURT appointed officer to be "IN CHARGE OF YOUR DAUGHTER"... imposed curfew....."JUST LIKE PROBATION FOR TWO TO THREE YEARS" ....HAS TO CHECK IN WITH PROBATION OFFICER.....WILL BE SENT AWAY TO A JUVENILE DELINQUENCY PROGRAM if defiant, or does not follow court observed rules.....PARENTS just have to make a phone call if "childs name" does not come home by curfew time..becomes hostile or aggressive.......WHAT IS CURFEW TIME?? 6:00PM....CHECKS IN WITH SCHOOL OFFICIALS.......ETC Keep writing as if you were taking notes, don't make it so neatly written, as if YOU were taking notes from the people on the phone.....DO NOT THREATEN YOUR DAUGHTER WITH THIS....Simply leave it either near the computer....or phone..or wherever you know that she is bound to see it....Without your threatening her verbally, she will see this, and find out that you DO have options via the Court System, to assist you....and the fact is that you do. You could call pins....the school could help you, but, use it as a tool intially, and then avail yourself of it if you need to....Hope I have offered some assistance.
Good luck.
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