My Mom lied to be about some travel. She favors my sister and her kids over me and my son - even though I am the reliable and stable/supportive one out of my siblings. My son's birthday is Thursday. She lied and made up this story about an emergency and leaving town. She then called a week later to let me know she is in Florida with my sister and her other 2 grandkids at Disney World. What was worse is she made the travel arrangements well in advance, and they have known about it for at least 2 months. All of her co-workers knew, I was the only one she lied to about it. I told her how I felt, now just don't want anything to do with her. To be honest I have nothing nice to say, so I would rather not say it. I'm upset about being lied to and my son's birthday - and think she could have taken them at a better time. What would you do? Advice please?
Online Parent Support
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
I've had the same problem with my mom and sister. My sister was the drug addict, can't ever hold a job, got pregnant by 2 different guys, etc- still my mom runs to her at the drop of a hat. Whereas, I am the college graduate, married, have a job, etc. and I get crapped on about everything. She wouldn't even let my dad help me out when I was in college because she got jealous that it wasn't being spent on her. Some mom's just don't understand the idea of motherhood. I don't think my mom ever loved me like my sister. Plus, I think she feels a little guilty about the way my sister grew up to be who she is today. I can live with that and I really don't expect much, if anything, from my mom. SHe has visited one since my son was born a year ago. My adivce is to just let it go. You can't change her now. You can tell her how it made you feel and that you know she lied, but that's about it. If she doesn't make time for you, don't make time for her.
I've had the same problem with my mom and sister. My sister was the drug addict, can't ever hold a job, got pregnant by 2 different guys, etc- still my mom runs to her at the drop of a hat. Whereas, I am the college graduate, married, have a job, etc. and I get crapped on about everything. She wouldn't even let my dad help me out when I was in college because she got jealous that it wasn't being spent on her. Some mom's just don't understand the idea of motherhood. I don't think my mom ever loved me like my sister. Plus, I think she feels a little guilty about the way my sister grew up to be who she is today. I can live with that and I really don't expect much, if anything, from my mom. SHe has visited one since my son was born a year ago. My adivce is to just let it go. You can't change her now. You can tell her how it made you feel and that you know she lied, but that's about it. If she doesn't make time for you, don't make time for her.
I don't blame you for being upset. Parents seem to show favor to those not worthy, because they worry about losing that relationship. They don't worry about losing a relationship with the stable/supportive one, because they don't need to. Time to keep an arm's length, I'm thinking.You've shown remarkable restraint, so continue to take the high road on your own.
Sounds like she favors your sister because your sister is more unstable, is more needy so yours mom feels more needed and can come in and "save the day" whereas with you she's just the mom and grandma not the superhero who constantly needs to bail you out of bad situations. Very selfish, sad and quite pathetic. Best to keep your distance from people like her she'll just keep you down and make you feel lousy.
Its an unfortunate circumstance. If it were me, I'd of done the same thing. Voicing your feelings is always a first great step. Keeping your mouth shut when you have nothing nice to say to her is the second great step. The fact that she purposefully lied to you and avoided her grandsons birthday is sad to say the least. I wouldn't be too keen on speaking with her anytime soon. Although its important to remember that she is your mother and your sons grandmother, so don't cut her off forever. She's human and makes mistakes just like the rest of us. At least try to keep the lines of communication open until you can work something out.
There is a saying, "Love those who love you."
If you spend your life trying to get your mother to love you like you need her to, you will be very disappointed.
If it were me, I would look for someone else to be in my life to fill me up (with love), because it seems like your mother is not capable.
I am really sorry, and it will be hard. We want our parents to act normal and when they don't, it is very grievious to our spirits.
Grieve the loss and find other sources.
Blessings to you,
~ociana
Post a Comment