I'm having difficulty with patience waiting for things to get better. I can't trust my older 18 daughter at all. We talked about re-building the trust, but she keeps lying to me about smoking and drug use. My younger daughter 16 keeps covering for her. This week alone, I have caught her stealing, smoking, taking drugs, changing her college transcripts and lying about them all while looking me right in the eye. I followed the steps of assmt. 1, but it's so hard to wait. I think she's stoned now, and all she is doing is laying around the house because, "I won't let her out".
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4 comments:
Find something in her room...pot or some other small amount of drugs. Call the police and have them go through the proceedure of bringing her to the station and so on... nothin like a quick scare. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt. but its a shot
You are right to be concerned. She sounds like my son when he was 17. There are two kinds of people that smoke pot, those who are self medicating themselves in which case they are not getting high like the casual user who is using to socialize. My son's physiologist told me at the time that my son was suffering from depression and had a chemical imbalance so when he smoked pot it, it balanced out his brain chemistry. He was not getting high, just getting to a normal place.
I think all drug users are in a lot of pain emotional and mental. You need to get to the root of the problem. It's very hard with teenagers because they don't want to listen to you. My son had a hard road, but after 10 years he is now fine.
Just don't ignore it and let her know you are there for her, that you love her. Good luck.
When I first started this program, I too was wanting to hurry up and see things get better. But as Mark says, if you rush and make a bunch of cccchanges, then you daughter will rebel and you will have wasted your time and money. Patience is key in the beginning.
Good luck!
Marcy
She hasn't earned your trust, but you must continue to let her earn some responsibility. You can but some home drug kits to see if she really is stoned. She if she'll go to some drug rehab sessions/classes. Lock up your posessions if you must--small safes are less than $100. Encourage her to get a job, or at least earn some money doing extra projects/chores. As far as college, since she is changing the grades you can 1) request official transcripts only that have a seal or 2) since she has been deceitful about her grades, she must now pay her own way and you can reimburse her the tuition based on earned grade (again must have an official transcript) if you want to help pay the tuition AFTER grades are published. Good luck!
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