Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:
I started your program a few days back and I need some help. My 15 yr old refuses to do anything and I mean anything we ask him to do and he refuses to be grounded when he does something wrong. For instance if we say , you can not watch TV for 3 days, he will do exactly that. To make him honor the grounding, we take away the TV access card. As soon as we do that he will find something that interest in, and of course, annoy us to do. When we deny him access to that one he will find something else. The process continues till there is nothing worth taking away. At this point, one would think he will comply, but all he says is that "I am already grounded, what is there to loose."
The other issue I have with this attitude is that, he makes the whole family suffer-his sister can not watch TV, no internet etc and since he does not care, he just goes on annoying people . What do I do?
4 comments:
parenting is not a reactionary concern. Don't wait to see what he does. state your rules. hold to them and dont budge.
Whose the parent in your house for crying out loud.
Whose the parent in your house for crying out loud.
Oh boy, do I remember 15... I'm sorry you're going through it.
15 year olds are just that way. They're immature and are stuck between wanting to be an annoying brat, a smart a$$ and an adult.
Regardless of if you think he is being denied attention he is doing a lot of the things he does for the pure reaction he gets from those around him. He becomes the center of everybodies attention when he does these things.
Continue to reward his good behavior and treat him to special things (ice cream dates, a cd, getting to pick a board game to play with the family, getting to pick the evenings movie etc) when he has exibited good manners or been extra helpful etc. Verbally praise him by telling him how much you enjoy seeing him growing into a mature young man. (Do not compare the moment to his outburst moments.)
As far as his outburst moments, quietly respond to them by asking him to please quit the behavior one time. If he makes the concious decision to not obey your request then quietly ask him to go spend a set amount of time (10 or 15 minutes) alone in his room until he is ready to behave in a more appropriate manner. Do not harp on the subject, just tell him that you expect him to behave in an appropriate manner and he isn't doing that.
Busy-Body behavior is annoying for sure. The best solution I have there is that when he is being nosey and it's something that you really don't want him to know about, tell him that you're haveing a private conversation and that he needs to respect the privacy of the conversation. Sometimes children of this age do not realize that they're being nosey, because they just haven't learned the proper etiquette in this department yet. (Remember when they were little and we just talked about anything in front of them because they were kinda clueless? Well, we have to teach them at some point that some conversations are private.) If the conversation is something that could pertain to him then offer that you're glad he was walking past (hovering) because you've wanted to discuss some things with him, and then include him in the conversation.
Oh, you could also just say, "Oh, Johnny I'm glad you're here, I was just telling Mrs. Smith that you'd love to rake up the leaves in her back yard today. Now go get the rake and the big trash bags and go do that for her." LOL... send him off to do chores enough when you catch him eaves dropping or snooping and he'll stop hovering!
Friends are kinda hard. He may also be shy and feel akward at this age and acting out is a great way to get people to notice you (remember the class clown? I'm not sure what you can do to make him understand that this type of behavior only alinates others.
Again, he's 15, he's going to outgrow this behavior. Just try to quietly teach him the way he should behave while helping him adjust to becoming an adult.
They don't call them the awkward teen years for nothing.
Just remember, that he will grow up eventually. Just love him and pray that you don't have to kill him before he's 20 (lol)
Good luck!
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