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I need help with the following issue:
I am wondering what you think about allowing a teen (15) who is making bad choices (sex, drugs, etc.) to just make them or put in obstacles so they CANNOT make the choice again. I have an alarm on my home. My daughter climbed out of our cat door, through the garage and out the side garage door that the alarm in not connected to. Aside from other consequences, in response to this, I bought a bolt lock with a key on both sides so she cannot get out the door. This is my MO...when she makes a bad choice, I put obstacles in her way so she cannot do it again instead of allowing her to use her own self will to make the right choice. I feel these choices are dangerous and I should intervene but how is she going to learn to make the right choices on her own?
4 comments:
It doesn't sound like you watched the videos in the OPS program. Mark Hutten says several times to allow children to make mistakes. You may want to review some of the videos.
15 is too young to have sex and even a boyfriend. i would though get her on birth control and end this relationship. putting her on birth control isn't saying it's ok to have sex at that age. it's to minimize the chances that she won't be pregnant because if you don't.....she'll get pregnant sooner than you think. you don't want her to grow up too fast or have to watch the baby while she goes to school. also having a doctor talk to her is a good idea because some kids at don't listen to their parents (even if they are close and open with each other) but she may tend to listen to the doctor....plus the doctor may be able to tell her about pregnancy and STD's in a way she will understand it.
Most young girls go through this kind of phase at one time or another in their lives, some hit it sooner, some later. Just remember that just because she may act like she is not regretful, that is most likely a cover up for how she really feels. She probably doesnt understand that her actions may have consequences. You or someone else needs to sit down and have a talk with her about this, explain that if she is going to engage in adult behavior then she needs to act more adult about it (bragging to friends is a very high school thing to do), and also the fact that her actions can have big consequences that could stay with her for the rest of her life (if she gets pregnant or contracts some kind of STD). There are also things like this that most teenagers dont take into account, and thats reputation. Most girls dont want to be known as the "promiscuous one" to put it nicely, but the fact that she is bragging means that word will get around and before she knows it every one in school will be calling her names and guys who never paid her attention before will start for the wrong reasons. Someone needs to explain this to her. I know no one did for me. This is the age when girls need guidance not scorn and please dont throw the bible at her...
Thanks for your comments...so even though these are dangerous choices, I should just let her do them? Man...that is tough!! I have an appt with a doc next week to have her tested and discuss birth control options. She is telling me they used a condom. When I asked, she said, "I am not THAT stupid, Mom!" I told her she would still need to use a condom if I put her on birth control (we already had the "you are way too young for sex talk")and she said she knew and I asked her why and she told me right away about condoms not being 100% effective and they protect against STD's. You know, sometimes she seems so smart and others....Aaaackkkkk!
I read/listened to the book over a year ago...I guess I need to do it again.
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