Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue: Just found out that my daughter has been sneaking out of the house at night. And shes been lying or omitting wheres shes going with friends...how do I bridge these issues without driving her away?
Thanks, MF
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4 comments:
Punish her in the way you think is appropriate, and explain to her WHY she is being punished.
Also explain why you chose the punishment you did whether it's grounding, taking away something she loves, or a whipping, or all of the above.
Make sure you tell her you love her and this is why you are punishing her.
Of course she'll think you're dumb and hate you for a little bit, but in the end (and years later most likely) she'll love you for it and understand.
Well, I'm not a parent. But I can tell you about my parents. (They split up when I was a baby, i lived back and forth between them)
My dad would go after what I used the most, or enjoyed the most. Like my stereo, TV, phone. I mean literally, it would be gone, not accessable.
This method REALLY worked.
My mom would punish me for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. I was always on lockdown. It made me miserable, and I ended up sneaking out more often just because it seemed like I was always in trouble anyways.
This method made highschool HELL for both of us.
Tell them that you don't want something bad to happen to them and that you need to trust them so that when parties or events come up, you will be able to trust them enough to let them go.
You have to negotiate with teenagers. They are developing adult minds, that are intaking information and experiences at a rate we could barely keep up with . They want to have an opinion, and mostly, have you acknowledge it as something important.
Just tell them WHY you don't want them to do that, and that if they lie to you about stupid stuff you won't be able to trust them. Ask them how they would feel if you lied to them all the time.
Basically, TALK TO THEM!! :) Communication is the true deal maker. Work it out so that she understands the rules, and why it benifits her to abide by them.
First, don't get overly angry. Be patient but yes, discipline her. She needs to learn. Have the 'parent speech' about not sneaking out of the house and obeying you both. If you don't discipline her at all, she will never learn. Tell her it'll be harder to trust her because it obviously will. The disciplining is up to you both, but most parents I'd say, would ground the kid from friends, phone, etc. *hope it helped && best of luck!* -Olivia
I assume you have done all the sensible things, tried reason etc?
Fact is you just cant ground her for life can you?
I know we cant give kids a slapping anymore and I dont think it would do any good anyway!
If you are sure you have done all you can, and she still persists , she will drive you both mental, no doubt about that.
Are you willing to accept that?
1st job, get her on the pill, sit her down and tell her why you are doing this, you just cant trust her anymore! This does not mean she can do whatever she wants it means you have almost reached the end of your tether! Make sure she understands you are almost on the point of giving up, she is driving you mad!
While you have her full attention tell her that the very next time you discover she is going off the rails you will make moves to have her put into care, and mean it.
Next step is to go and see a social worker, tell them the story and you want someone to visit her at home, they can explain what out of control is all about, and what could happen if she doesnt toe the line.
If it still persists do it!!!!
True she may well hate you for a while, but you will have done your duty, the choice is yours. Difficult I know , I would have mine put away , otherwise I would give her a slapping and go to jail for it, not really the way to go!!!
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