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I need help with the following issue: I have my 13 year old daughter staying with relatives till I work out two legal issues ...one being she physical attacks me. She doesn't like being there and keeps calling me and texting me to come home. What type of communication should I establish?
5 comments:
I would call the cops!
Have her tested for a mood disorder by a psychiatrist.
Are you sure you want her living with you?!
You should probably email Mark Hutten on this one...
Although the roots of child violence are varied, violent youth often share a pattern of beliefs and feelings that support their aggressive behavior. In some cases, it is relatively easy to punish the behavior, but it can be much more difficult to change the underlying thoughts and emotions of a violent child.
To be effective, treatment approaches for violent youths need to take these factors into account:
* The loss of empathy. Violent children often don't even recognize (much less feel) the suffering of others. Empathy develops early in infancy. Most nine-month-old infants register concern if they see their parents crying, for example. Children who have been emotionally traumatized learn to protect themselves from further emotional damage by shutting off their own feelings along with any empathic feelings they might have for others.
* Distorted thinking. Violent children come to believe that overpowering another person is a mark of strength and worth, and that violence is a legitimate way to resolve conflict. Popular media support this idea, with wrestlers who pound their opponents without mercy and so-called action heroes who slaughter foes by the truckload. For good or bad, the government unwittingly encourages the idea that "might makes right" when it engages in shows of strength celebrating the Army and police. Violent children needn't look far for evidence that force is what really counts.
* Self-esteem. For some children, aggression toward other children may be a powerful source of self-esteem, particularly if they lack other confirmation of their human worth. In many cases, the problem is not lack of self-esteem so much as lack of self-esteem related to positive, peaceful accomplishments.
* A 'me against the world' attitude. Children who become violent have often learned to see the world as a cold and hostile place. They develop a habit of thought that attributes hostile intentions to others. This attitude leaves them little choice but to fight virtually all the time. If, for example, another child bumps up against them in the hallway at school, they immediately take offense, certain that they were attacked. They cannot imagine that perhaps the bumping was just clumsiness on the other child's part or an attempt to tease that really wasn't hostile.
* Always the victim. Even while they are the aggressors, violent individuals almost always think of themselves as victims--of unfair teachers, of other bullies, of prejudice--and believe that their violent acts are therefore totally justified.
* Never safe. The aggressive child sees the world as an unsafe place in which there are only victims and victimizers, so he (unconsciously) chooses to be one of the latter. The power and delight he takes in hurting others, in combination with his already numbed emotions, can make for a lethal mixture.
Easing the pain and anger
It isn't difficult to recognize many of these beliefs and emotions in children who act violently, but it is hard to know how to correct them. While it is clear to others that many of the ideas the violent child harbors are wrong and that the scope of his feelings is narrowed, from the inside, these thoughts and feelings make perfect sense. Every experience the child has seems to reinforce the idea that the world is a hostile, uncaring place.
Unfortunately, juvenile justice programs that rely on scare tactics, punishments, and threats only give support to the child's negative, antagonistic beliefs, creating an even more dangerous young adult.
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