Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:
My granddaughter is before the juvenile courts next week for drunk and disorderly in public place and assaulting a policewoman. When I went to pick her up at the police station she was so drunk she could not stand up. I took her home that night but did not say much because of the state she was in. I just hugged her and made her warm and cosy in bed. But when I went out of the room she swallowed some pills and I took her to emergency at the hospital. She was hospitalised for two days but was fine to leave. I grounded her until her court case came up in a weeks time. The police said she was hanging out with much older boys who were really dangerous lot. Last night when she was at her mothers place she got out the bedroom window and went to a party. She walked all on her own into town found some friends and went to the party. When we found out we went out looking for her. We were just about to give up when we found two of her 14 yrs. old friend walking home from the party she was at. This was at 2 am. They both had alcohol on their breath. When we found my granddaughter she refused to come home at first but she was so drunk that it was easy to get her in the car. She threatened to kill herself that night. This morning we asked her step father to take her out for a few days out of town and she kicked holes in the wall. We have already taken her mobile and ipod. What else and were do we go now. We have tried a psychologist and counselling and she treats it like a big joke. She has always been a sweet lovely girl and is small for her age and dresses very provocatively. i feel she is in high risk category but am exhausted with trying to find a solution.
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4 comments:
Young women’s drinking habits are certainly a cause for concern and I can understand how worried you must be. Although it is a relatively easy and tempting punishment, grounding pushes her away. She will be angry with you for what she thinks she is missing out on and may want to rebel further. You need her to reflect on her behaviour. You don’t say how old your daughter is but even if she is in her late teens she should be learning to drink responsibly.
The first step is for you to talk with her. Try to stay calm and explain why you are so concerned about her apparent inability to control her drinking. Remind her how vulnerable she is when she is out of control while under the influence of alcohol, tell her what could happen to her and that this is why you are so desperately worried about her behaviour. Emphasise your fears for her safety rather than your disgust and embarrassment at her lack of control.
Keep talking with her, listen to her and make it easy for her to come home to you, even if drunk. Negotiate boundaries, for instance she should always keep you informed about whom she goes out with, where she is going and you should agree the time when she will come home.
Just as you cannot make a young child eat, you cannot control a teenager. Your aim should be to enable her to control herself. Be interested in her friends and social life without being too critical – you don’t want her to “go underground” by lying to you.
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