Married but acting as a single parent - is it possible?
We have been married for many, many years. He is a good man - employed, no drugs or drinking, comes home every night, we really don't fight much, nice guy, etc, etc,etc.
Problem, he is really not that good at being a father - he does not hurt the kids - just kind of uninvolved in their lives.
Question, can I still remain married, (the kids are young and still need to have their father around), but act more as a single parent?
My family and I are more than willing to be there for the kids, and husband can be there as much or little as he chooses. Does that work, how do you tell the kids? Or let this kids decide what they want from Daddy?
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2 comments:
I grew up that way.....my dad was there, but he wasn't there. It's tough, b/c the kids eventually learn to be dissappointed in their own father, but it's prolly better than going through a divorce.
I'd suggest some marital counseling, b/c your husband needs to know he has more responsibilities than not being abusive and bringing home a paycheck
BTW, I don't know what you mean by "tell the kids" tell them what? you think they can't figure out their father is less than involved? It was never a said thing in our family...
I think sometimes the mom takes on a lot of responsibilities with the children just NATURALLY. We think we can do everything and tend to "take over". That just let's the dad sit back and have everything taken care of and they don't really have a role anymore. So they can get lazy and just let it be. However, if there were things that you just DIDN"T DO....he would have to step in and help out or do things. He needs a role. You ddin't say how old the kids are though. Could you tell him that you are feeling overwhelmed and want to divvy out the child rearing responsibilities so that you are more equal and the kids see you both as a team and a unified front? Then break it down on paper (like bed time, teeth brushing, nail cutting, meal prep, sports, shool stuff, doctor/dentist appts, etc...etc..etc..) and have him choose the things that he will be responsible for as the PRIMARY go-to person, and then you take the rest. Then it is not like you are coming at him like, "YOU DON"T DO ANYTHING, YOU AREN"T INVOLVED"....he'd probably get defensive. So this is more like, "I feel overwhelmed, I need help from you as their dad".....then work as a team to balance out the parental jobs. Sound good?
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