Out of control teen-aged daughter...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

I'm a divorced Mom of an out of control teen-aged daughter. She's always been a strong-willed kid and for the first two years after the divorce, living with her was a nightmare, as she blamed me for the divorce, etc. Given x-husband lives in the same community, daughter has played us to her advantage.

She is extremely manipulative and threatening in getting her way. We have joint custody and visitation is 50/50. However, she lived with me 8.5 months of this year, given an argument with her Dad in January. Last month, she became verbally abusive and physicially threatened me when I said NO to something she wanted to do. She called her Dad, and she has been with him since.

Her Dad is the parent with less control and lets her do what she wants, where I am more inclined to keep after her and check on her whereabouts. I also work in my home and am here for her. She feels she needs "space" from me for a while, where I feel it is because she doesn't have rules at her Dad's. She refuses to live by my rules and disrespects me and my home.

I also know of many things this year that she has done which I do not approve of (drinking, smoking, trying pot and I believe, even sex). Most of these things are by her own admission. Her Dad is aware as I have told him, however, he still gives her more reign than I do.

Her Dad informed me this week that he is going away for a week later this month. By divorce decree, the other parent is to be made aware and is the first to watch the child, should the other parent be away. Well, she is refusing to stay here and has left 3 threatening voicemails to me. She is threatening to make my life a living hell and even talks of killing herself if she has to stay here.

I'm of the opinion that as her parent and guardian, she should stay here while her Dad is away or else he shouldn't go anywhere. I'm also convinced she will make my life a living hell, and want to know what rights the parents' have when a child becomes both verbally and physically abusive to the parent? I don't feel she should be given a choice in this matter, and honestly, if she cannot stay here for a week when her Dad is gone, then I feel she has some very serious issues.