My son is 17... a junior... when he started high school he did have a ADD Diagnoses... unfortunately those medications that could have helped, leave him side effects and he cannot us them.. he has had to struggle to keep grades and concentration.. and has been in advasarial roles with teachers due to this.. and he does not find school fun.. when he can't keep up...
Upon starting high school... he was being bullied by some boys (calling gay) and thisturned into a Cyber incident... that the FBI had to step in and have the Facebook site that was put up about my son taken off line... we transferred schools... but kids at the new school knew kids from the old school.. and the bullying continued as verbal and physical harrassment... and after last year we transferred schools again... this has compounded my sons negative attitude toward school... teachers... and other students...
In the middle of this... he sufferred a major siezure and stopped breathing ... had to be revived... and although they ruled out seizure disorder... it left my son very emotionally distraught... depressed and he became agressive.. and was put on Risperdal to help control his outbursts...
We are now at a new school this year... the kids are not bothering him... and he seemed to calm down .. got a small part time job... but is still having trouble motivating himself to study ... he stopped the Risperdal in October because he felt better...
This January he had another episode of passing out... we are having the neurologist recheck him for siezures... and since the middle of january the negative angry behavior is beginning to reappear...
He apparently got into an altercation at school with a teacher... and is on a contract with the principle (was not told of this by the school) and yesterday when he got into it with the teacher she asked him to leave... so he left school two ...hours early... the school called and asked that they be informed when he was leaving....??? so i am going there today to see what the heck is going on...
My son is refusing to go back on the Risperdal which i feel would at least take some of his edge off.. and help him with his increasing anger...
I have physically moved us to another school district to get away from the other problems of bullying... I am at a loss to help my son... make this transition a positive one... I don't know if its the anger at all that has happened or the ADD or both or ????
He does not get into any other trouble.. comes home when asked... has a messy room... but cleans it when asked... is occasionally irreverant... helps out with chores... it's always been about school.. fitting in...doing the work...
never arrested... probably has tried pot and sex... not sure what to ask at this point...
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I have a son also that is ADHD, he's now 12 & has also been diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). I have bought many books on ADHD/ADD & one book on ODD. Mark's ebook is the best by far. I think a lot of it is our consistants with discipline & the rest is the age where they feel they need to push just to see how far they can. It definantly is hard to raise one with ADHD, is he more hyper or does he act like he has no remorise? Does he act this way with everyone that is a adult or even the babysitter? In one of my books it states that 60% of children with ADHD will end up with ODD especially males. I am not trying to make you feel worse or anything but with schooling & have my son I have learned & am still dealing with problems. One main thing is that you need to make sure your consistant, DO NOT GIVE IN AT ALL! Not even for little things, changing your tatics/discipline stragies to keep him on his toes. Plus if you do find a strategy that works great stick to it, but once it starts to fail just a little bit then you need to change it to one that's a little more stern for him. Expect to be miserable, unfortunley but once you get through the first time then it will get better. If you would like the names of some of my books I can give them to you. Hopefully I have helped a little bit.
Regarding the bullying problem, advise your child to use the buddy system. Enlisting the help of friends or a group may help both your child and others stand up to bullies. The bully wants to be recognized and feel powerful, after all, so a lot of bullying takes part in the presence of peers. If the bully is picking on another child, tell your child to point out to the bully that his or her behavior is unacceptable and is no way to treat another person.
Ask your child how she has been dealing with the bullying. Talk about what else can be done and discuss what actions you can both take to solve the problem. Reassure her you will consult her before taking any action.
At the same time, let her know that you do not think this is her fault. Her confidence has already taken a big hit, and she already feels like a victim.
Determine if your child has healthy friendships with other children. If not, perhaps she can benefit by developing better social skills.
Emphasize that it's very important to tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help to stop it. Studies show that schools where principals crack down on this type of behavior have less bullying.
Encourage her to invite friends over to your home and participate in school activities.
Encourage regular play or social visits with other children at your home. Being in a group with other kids may help to build your child's self-esteem and give your child a larger group of positive peers to spend time with and turn to.
Encourage your child to act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Tell your child to look the bully in the eye and say something like, "I want you to stop right now."
Counsel your child to then walk away and ignore any further taunts. Encourage your child to "walk tall" and hold his or her head up high (using this type of body language sends a message that your child isn't vulnerable).
If necessary, meet with school representatives to discuss the problem.
It may help your child to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, or friend — anyone who can give the support your child needs. Talking can be a good outlet for the fears and frustrations that can build when your child is being bullied.
Make it clear that you accept your child's reports of what is happening and that you take them seriously. She needs to know she has someone on her side who is willing to help her.
Make sure your child knows it is okay to ask for help from a teacher or other adult. Practice what he'll say so he doesn't sound like he's whining or tattling.
Practice with him at home by role-playing. Participation in other activities builds confidence and develops social skills, making it easier to find ways of saying, "Leave me alone."
Reassure her that this situation can be resolved.
Remember, bullying is not a normal part of growing up. Help your child develop the necessary tools to stick up for himself and others.
Remind your child to never get physical or bully back. Emphasize that your child should never use physical force (like kicking, hitting, or pushing) to deal with a bully. Not only does that show anger, but your child can never be sure what the bully will do in response. Tell your child that it's best to hang out with others, stay safe, and get help from an adult.
Suggest that your child stick with two or more other children when at the playground, the bus stop or wherever she comes face-to-face with the bully.
Teach your child how to respond to a bully in a bold, assertive way.
Teach your child to use humor as a distraction. In a situations where your child has to deal with a bully and can't walk away with poise, tell him or her to use humor or offer a compliment to throw the bully off guard. However, tell your child not to use humor to make fun of the bully.
Tell your child to hold the anger. It's natural to want to get really upset with a bully, but that's exactly the response the bully is aiming for. Not only will getting angry or violent not solve the problem, it will only make it worse. Bullies want to know they have control over your child's emotions. Each time they get a reaction from your child, it adds fuel to the bully's fire — getting angry just makes the bully feel more powerful.
While it is natural to want to protect your child by solving the problem for him, it will serve your child better if you teach him how to solve the problem himself. By learning the skills to stand up for himself, he can use them in other situations.
Been there, done that. I don't have any magic solutions. My child was first diagnosed with depression at age 15 and then with ADHD. He was willing to accept treatment for depression (we did lexapro plus therapy) but was not able to accept the ADHD diagnosis and would not consider meds for ADHD. We didn't force the issue, because we recognized the futility of that approach and the need to respect our son's point of view about what he was willing to put into his body. The depression came under control pretty quick, which allowed us and his doctor to work with him on understanding what ADHD is and how it affects him. He remained adamantly opposed to meds for quite a long time and insisted that we were trying to change his personality, that meds were for cheaters, that the diagnosis was wrong, etc. When problems arose relative to his ADHD, we worked with him to understand that he was not lazy or stupid but that his brain was wired in a way that some things were more difficult for him. Slowly he came to accept the diagnosis and began to have some insight into how his ADHD was making some things hard for him. The final straw was when he had to write college applications and was so overwhelmed by what seemed to him an impossible task that he absolutely froze. I worked very closely with him to figure out how to get it all done, organizing things into very small, manageable chunks of work. When it was all over, he told me that he wanted to try ADHD meds because he saw that his ADHD had almost kept him from accomplishing something really important. He tried the meds, found they helped and now is taking them for school and for when he has to drive. So, there is hope, but it may take a lot of both managing and forbearance before you get there. Your son may never choose to medicate his ADHD, but, with your help and the help of a good counselor, he certainly can come to understand it better.
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