Online Parent Support Chat

My daughter is 16 years old, and at 15 years ran away 3 times...

My daughter is 16 years old, and at 15 years ran away 3 times. As we come from Scotland once she turned 16 she became an adult(I dont agree with this law) and after many rows and horrible behaviour calling me a bitch etc every day she used to say if you dont like the way I behave kick me out and one day after her telling me to F--k off in the street as she went to school I blurted out dont come back she didnt but the next day all happy on the phone as me a question for a pregnant friend and I said I think you should be saying something different to me like sorry and slammed the phone down i was so angry with her . She has been away for 5 months now staying with her friends mum initially I kept in contact with this mum but when I said to her that it was wrong to keep her there enough was enough she stopped answering my call .

My daughter did come home for xmas eve got her presents in the morning and then left 3 days later she rang me at night as she was so ill and I nursed for 2 days took time off my work to do so and on new years eve she asked her dad to drive her to her boyfriends on the way back from the hospital and we haven't seen her since she has txt a couple of times . I was really ill with swine flu and she never txt to ask how I was even when she knew. In all of this she left school with no qualifications even though she was an straight A student . The family she is with does not have the same eduactional standards as we had hoped . We tried family mediation till she stormed out and refused to come back. Her own person from mediation she chose rang me and said.

she said she is going to ring you at the end of the month to meet and then with a view to coming home at end of february but I know this is a lie because if she wanted come home she would have by now .I am devastated and have cried everyday she has been away. She has been so nasty and I know reading the book that this is what out of control teenagers are like but I'm struggling with the fact that she doesn't kep in contact and I have not contacted her for 14 days now because all I get is lies and evryone around me says leave her be let her come to you. I guess I just need advice as to know if I'm doing the right thing or how do I get my daughter back in our lives?

My Out-of-Control Daughter


Anonymous said...

Leave the anger at the door. Do not make accusations and give your teen and yourself the chance to speak openly. You need to have a honest but fair conversation with them. Determine why they left. Do not yell at them, punish them or demand answers. Calmly verify why they left.

Explain why being a runaway teen is risky. Make clear why this is not something that is okay and that you do not approve of it. Make sure they know that you are open to assisting them to work through problems they have at school, with their peers or with you so they can prevent being a runaway teen.

Make arrangements for family and individual counseling to determine if there are deeper issues that they need to resolve with you to keep them at home, safe, and happier. In fact, the biggest benefit they will need is working with you side by side to determine what the solution is.

If you feel emotionally ready to do so, tell your teen that you would like to meet with them. Take them out to lunch or dinner. Ask how they are doing. Try to make your time together pleasant. Don't try to talk them into coming back. If you feel you will burst out crying in the restaurant - then wait.

A situation like this can be very trying on a marriage. This is suggested: you both work extra hard for you and your husband to be of one kind in how to deal with your teen. If you're fighting with him or fighting with her, it's going to be extremely hard for you. Take a chance of this opportunity for you and your husband to pull together, to come closer. I would encourage you also to take some time to go out with him alone.

Anonymous said...

A teen runaway is a call for help. In some form, they can no longer handle what is in their lives threatening them. They are looking for a way to run, to hide or to start over because something is pushing them to do that. You do not have to be a "bad parent" to face a runaway teen. In fact, most will deal with this. Yet, what you need to be is an open parent that will welcome your teen runaway back into your home and work on repairing problems so that they will stay at home with you.

Anonymous said...

You can do a search yourself for the laws in your state or country on the Internet and searching the term "runaway" or what ever the term for your state would be and find out what the law says.