Online Parent Support Chat

Now the problem I have is with the stepfather...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue: I have 2 boys ages 19 and 22. They were pretty much out of control but I've been able to get a handle of them since I signed up with this website several years ago.

Now the problem I have is with the stepfather. He was in a shouting match with the 19year old. He told the kid that he needed to be out of the house by the first of the year (tomorrow). Well I just spoke with the boy and he tells me that he has no where to go but he has a couple of places where he can stay. The boy works parttime.

The stepfather also told the older boy that he needs to move out by Feb 1st. This boy has not been able to find a job. I have even been putting in job applications for him in addition to the jobs he applies for but because of the economy and the fact that few are hiring right now he's still unemployed.

The stepfather who is 71 (and I am 50). We've been together for 15 years and married for 6 years. He has told me that he is tried of raising other peoples children.

I want my kids to be out of the house also but I have a problem with them being forced out before they are ready. I don't want my kids living in a car or spending a couple of nights here and there at various homes.

I'm afraid that if I intervene the stepfather will move out and if I dont intervene my kids will think that I don't care about them.

This maybe the wrong forum for this topic but I don't know where else to turn at this late date.

Help...I don't know how to handle this!

How to Discipline?

My baby boy is 9 months old and has started throwing little fits when he is told "no" ?
He'll arch his back and whine. It just seems as though he has a bit of an attitude already and we don't want that to continue.

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The only thing she wants for Christmas is a cell phone...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

My 13 year old daughter says the only thing she wants for Christmas is a cell phone. We had a agreement she could get one after she raised her F up in school, now not only does she have one F she has two. She is trying to talk me into getting a cell phone first and then I will be amazed at how much her grades will go up because she will be happy, and right now she is very unhappy, hates it here and wants to go live with a friend. I am thinking I will stick with our agreement about the grades or no phone. Is it worth it to cause such a battle of her possibly leaving the house? Thank you. please help.

How can I help her to get over him...

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I have a 16 year old daughter who I have made to stop seeing her boyfriend. He stays in trouble all the time and has been caught shoplifting. They dated 8 months. How can I help her to get over him and let her see that he has brought her down and is no good. She can do so much better. I feel like a dirt-bag because I had to do this.

She gets upset, changes the subject, cries in room...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

Whenever I confront my 16 y.o. daughter on...why she got an F (did she do the homework or Not??) she gets upset, changes the subject, cries in room...then I'm left with a husband that is angry with me. I'm so tired of this dividing us. MommaJane

I tried everything with my son...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

I tried everything with my son and this past Friday I asked him to leave. I am so sad and angry that things have come to this, but I don't know what else I can do. I joined this group and bought the program to hopefully help me in someway. I could use all the advice anyone is willing to give me.

I kicked my 17 year old son out of the house...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

I kicked my 17 year old son out of the house for 5 days and I just let him back in. I hope I have done the right thing, it is so hard with Christmas, family.....I bought the book my out of control teen, any success?

Daugher lying, stealing, cheating...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

My 13yr old daughter has been lying; stealing clothes from her sister and now caught cheating in her math class; I am only just beginning the sessions. The math teacher called me this am to advise me of what happened; my question is how do I handle this situation when she comes home from school???? Please help me.

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Comment from OPS member:

Find a clever way to trick her into feeling the same way that someone else would feel if u stole from them and lied. I wouldnt suggest on doing anything harsh, but the restrictions help. I think you should ground her from going anywhere though, if she gets mad, then tell her "If you did not want to have to stay home, then you should not have stole or lied." Thats how I usually set kids straight. After a while if your child feels sad, try to cheer her up and then say something like "If you promise never to steal or lie again, I'll let you go to Saturday." Or... you could just sit down and have a talk with her then keep restrictions on her until she apologizes.

Julie

17 yrs old teenager is not complying...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue: 17 yrs old teenager is not complying and out control, he comes home late and wants to do everything his way.

A 15 yo son who lies and steals...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

A 15 yo son who lies and steals. 3 years ago he stole a signicant amount of mom's jewelry and gave it to some girl. Her parents were no help in retrieving it. He steals money... more recently a parents ipod and sold it to a friend, that was retrieved. He lies about any and everything. Conversations ranging from he controls himself, no one controls him, not even his parent and that he has to deal with the consequences of his choices.... consequences of taking things away, extra chores, talks with law enforcement...the "cat and mouse" mind games are exhausting..

She hasnt been home in 2 days...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue: my 16 year old daughter is doing everything you can imagine. She hasnt been home in 2 days and is skipping school again. I dont know where she is stayng and worry constantly. Should I try to contact her or just let it go until she is ready to come home. The first night she was away I did call her and she refused to tell me where she is staying. What is the best way to handle this.

18 year old son partying every day...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue: 18 year old son partying every day, hates school, breaks rules, barely going to graduate, smoking drinking... he used to be an A student, tennis, baseball... Depression???

Do you think that kids are being over diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, or just a plan ole behavior problem.?

I was wondering if any of you parents out there feel like they (teachers and doctors) are over diagnosing kids with ADD, ADHD, or behavior problems. Do you think sometimes kids are just that "kids" and some are more well behaved than others. Some listen better than others and some concentrate better than others. I am talking all ages, from preshoolers to high schoolers. What is your take on it!

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Need Husband of 23 years to start being pro assertive rather than reactive...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support =

Need Husband of 23 years to start being pro assertive rather than reactive.He just lost his job after being a work a holic at the same co for 29 years. Mom went back to work full time after 8 years of staying at home with 5 kids. now daughter 21,sons..16,15,9,and 7. 16 yr old very impulsive ADHD, and Strong-willed on Meds for 4 years now smoking pot and has "freedoms to hang out with kids who drink and their parent have no boundries... mom not home to continue to supervise these safe boundries for 18 months now. 16 yr old son has 3.1 GPA not a problem in school. doesn't want to take adhd meds and has Not had any legal problems yet however Mom knows that is sure to follow if Dad doesn't get on board NOW. 15 yr old now also smoking pot/alcohol . Mom bought drug tests and they tested positive 2 times... (the third time they used someone elses urine BUT mom found out the next day.Mom notified school ,and MD's and asking for advice. The MD's say they need to be in a substance abuse program and MD won't give ADHD meds until this happens. 16 yr old has gone along with Everything Parents have requested and MD's have requested up until last week .Now he says he will let us test him (in 25 days) and he will not smoke pot anymore b/c wrestling season has begun.. (he is a dedicated wrestler)I don't want to miss this chance that he might have a problem partially from the ADHD MEds and now the secondary problem with POT and Alcohol. However I have been doing research about these ADHD meds.want to do right thing.

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Any advise on how to cope with two emotional females under one roof?

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

Our daughter, 17 years old is quite gifted academically, however, quite used to "getting her way" by wearing down her mother in a variety of combative and verbally abusive methods. Simple grounding may be difficult with her current academic load and needing access to her car to commute to high school and community college. One method I would choose would be denial of c-phone privelage and limited "time together" with her boyfriend. She will no doubt be a terror at home during this period. Any advise on how to cope with two emotional females under one roof?

Son is completely ODD...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

Our son, D., is completely ODD. He is smoking, and refuses to quit. HE is 15. He goes ballistic when we take away his stuff. The Dr. says he should go into residential and we are looking into that. He is coming home right now from in-patient and I dread the moment he steps foot over the threshold.

Son is using marijuana daily...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

Our 16 year old son is using marijuana daily at lunch hour. How can we help him to stop? All his friends use/abuse. Do we just keep him safe and secure at home until 18, then ask him to leave if he is still using?

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Son has been expelled from school...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support =

I need help with the following issue: My son is 16, he's been expelled from school for bringing a knife to school. He showed it in the parking lot and someone reported him. We were just one month in the school year and he was being successful with his classes. It is the social aspect of everything that causes him trouble. He has this suspicious mind, so sure people think he's a fighter, when he hasn't fought ever. But for some reason he allows people to think he is. Now he cannot go to any school in our district except alternative home schooling, but is not motivated or structured enough to be able to do that on his own. He is working as a cook at BP's, but the hours are very scattered and he needs to be way more structured. He has the good life all day at home or is free to go where he pleases. We try to keep him busy, but does not like to take orders from us. I've just started the program with Mark so!

I pray that my husband and I can learn and help our son to succeed. He is so worth it.

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Son has Aspergers & ADHD

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

My 15 year old son has Aspergers Syndrome and ADHD. He would like to play video games to the exclusion of all other activities. When we attempt to limit his video game time, he reacts violently. He has even threatened suicide over the issues and was taken to the hospital two times as a result.

He is receiving behavioral therapy, but his arguing and violent outbursts control our household.

Do you have any suggestions on how to tie chores to his video game time privilege that will not result in his spinning out of control?

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What can I do with problem teen behaviour in class?

I have an EFL class of teenagers and recently three have started misbehaving despite warnings of contacting their parents. These three are friends and when I have them on their own they are ok. When they are together it's a problem for everyone in the class.They constantly interrupt the flow either by talking, not doing the activities and throwing rubbers. Any suggestions?

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He basically changes his personality...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support =

Hi All, just started on the programme, Monday will be Day One! My son's problems seem to be all school based, generally showing off, being the class comedian and being abusive to his teachers. He is dyslexic and will just not do any work. He is very intelligent and manages to get his grades even though he does nothing. One issue that is very noticable with him, one to one he is great. Introduce another child or adult and he basically changes his personality to being abusive, impudent and forgets all the rules, anything goes when he is with his friends. I've tried to find information on why he does this, can anyone help me understand why he changes?

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My son is acting out in violence ...is it because i have been a bad parent?

Today he tried to strangle his 3 year old sister. He is 7 he is very angry yells a lot and screams when I try to help him. He stabbed a kid in the arm with a pencil at school. I have had my kids taken from me once before and all of them put into foster care because of this problem they thought I was beating him so they took them away and gave them back after they put him on A.d.h.d medicine but he is still angry I have taken him to counselors he won't talk to them. Is he this way because of me? What should i do about this?

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My son won't get up in the morning for school....

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

My son won't get up in the morning for school. Today he got in at 11.15 and it should have started at 8. I take him a cup of tea and go back every 4 minutes but he just lies there and tells me to 'stop it'. Today I took away his guitar and that seemed to get him out of bed. Any suggestions? Thanks. Tim.

Re: How to help her understand that this is her new life and she should start getting on with it...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

We recently moved away from our home in Canada (where my 15 year old daughter has spent her entire life) to a new home in Europe. It's an exciting opportunity for our family that is being ruined by our daughter's bad attitude. We also have a 16 year old daughter who's making the most of the opportunity.

10 months ago our 15 year old started hanging out with a bad crowd, and 'fell in love' with a poor choice of boyfriend (run-ins with the police, bad home situation, school drop out...)

we felt this move would be a chance for her to 're-set' and to move on to more exciting things but our daughter is SO angry at us. Her attitude is terrible, she swears and won't get involved in any of our activities. I'm sure she's not doing great in school but won't ask for extra help.

Her strongest desire at this point is to be sent home to finish school there but I don't want her to go back - I think it would be a recipe for disaster!

I'm looking for any and all advice re: how to help her understand that this is her new life and she should start getting on with it.

Many thanks,
Susan

She is quite rebellious...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

Hi i have a 17 yr old grandaughter who has been living in Sweden for the last 5 yrs, and who now is living at home with me, she is quite rebellious and has a few issues which she needs to get sorted out and at the minute is attending counselling once a week. It is very difficult to get her to open up and at the minute she is staying away with not so nice friends at the weekend so i am quite worried about her safety at the minute. I would appreciate some advice on this. I have read the e.and iam now tring to put some of the suggestions into place starting from last night. Thank you any help would be appreciated ...Joyce.

Out of control teen-aged daughter...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

I'm a divorced Mom of an out of control teen-aged daughter. She's always been a strong-willed kid and for the first two years after the divorce, living with her was a nightmare, as she blamed me for the divorce, etc. Given x-husband lives in the same community, daughter has played us to her advantage.

She is extremely manipulative and threatening in getting her way. We have joint custody and visitation is 50/50. However, she lived with me 8.5 months of this year, given an argument with her Dad in January. Last month, she became verbally abusive and physicially threatened me when I said NO to something she wanted to do. She called her Dad, and she has been with him since.

Her Dad is the parent with less control and lets her do what she wants, where I am more inclined to keep after her and check on her whereabouts. I also work in my home and am here for her. She feels she needs "space" from me for a while, where I feel it is because she doesn't have rules at her Dad's. She refuses to live by my rules and disrespects me and my home.

I also know of many things this year that she has done which I do not approve of (drinking, smoking, trying pot and I believe, even sex). Most of these things are by her own admission. Her Dad is aware as I have told him, however, he still gives her more reign than I do.

Her Dad informed me this week that he is going away for a week later this month. By divorce decree, the other parent is to be made aware and is the first to watch the child, should the other parent be away. Well, she is refusing to stay here and has left 3 threatening voicemails to me. She is threatening to make my life a living hell and even talks of killing herself if she has to stay here.

I'm of the opinion that as her parent and guardian, she should stay here while her Dad is away or else he shouldn't go anywhere. I'm also convinced she will make my life a living hell, and want to know what rights the parents' have when a child becomes both verbally and physically abusive to the parent? I don't feel she should be given a choice in this matter, and honestly, if she cannot stay here for a week when her Dad is gone, then I feel she has some very serious issues.

I think my son still smokes a bit of pot...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

I think my son still smokes a bit of pot, nothing like before, but he has been losing about 37 pounds in the last month, suffering anxiety attacks, back pain, etc. Ultra sound shows nothing, xray of back shows nothing, what should I be looking for?

Daughter that does not want to get up in the morning...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

I have a 14 year old daughter that does not want to get up in the morning (I know everyone else has the same issue), she is doing not well in school, has no interest in cleaning her room or helping when asked and is skipping and the biggest issues she seems to have is that she apparently misses her father (who has been gone for nearly 6 years and is remarried and pays no support or contacts her, but plays the hero at Christmas and Birthdays. Any suggestions would be welcome and appreciated while I am starting the program and on page 22 of the ebook!

Have a great day!

He is escaping responsibilities and doing as he pleases...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

My teenage boy has 'moved in ' with a neighbor friend two years older than himself, whose Grandmother, who is rarely at home, disrespects me, mother. She will not recommend that it is time for my son to go home. He is escaping responsibilities and doing as he pleases, supported by the Grandmother and indirectly , his father, who approves the temporary arrangement.

He is constantly lying...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support =

I need help with the following issue: I have the 7 year old that we are adopting. He is constantly lying. The school called me a while ago and told me the he got caught stealing from another student and for lying. I am at my wits end with him. Can anyone give me any suggestions on what to do. This isn't the first time this has happened.

All she says is "I don't care"...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

I have a step-daughter who does not care about anything... we cannot get her to do anything at all. We tell her she wont get anything from us, but all she says is "I don't care". What do I do?

Out of control step-daughter. What do we do?

Just come back from holiday to find step-daughter had broken a wine glass into her brothers face causing him a 3 day hospital stay, 38 stitches and a scar for life which is about 7 inches long. The s-daughter is 23 and boy is 31 so they are not "kids". For years the girl has been living on the edge, she drinks loads, does drugs, can't keep a job for more than 3 weeks,lies cheats and steals. She even took her youngest brothers bank card and emptied his account of the £400 he was saving for a bike. She has stolen from everybody, even those closest to her.

As a child she was quite spoiled, she has had 3 horses and allsorts handed to her. Her mother died at a very young age and step D was only 5, I am sure this must be a contributing factor to her behaviour, but when do we say enough is enough?

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Does anyone have any experience with the meds and the behavior...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

Hello all- i am at the end of my rope. i have watched my son become more and more rebellious, and dangerous to himself. he does not respect anyone except his step father. he is really horrible to his grandmother. ok- he is on abilify, they just upped the dose to 7.5 mg. he takes clonidin to help him sleep at night. in the morning he takes metadate cd. for a year, this was working perfectly. his grades came up and he finally passed kindergarten. this school year it is all falling apart..... he sees no problem with slamming the door in his grammas face and telling her he IS going out. no matter what. no one knows where he is for hours.... he is often seen riding his bike (when he had it) on a very busy street. after a call to the doc this morning, it was suggested to me that the only alternative left is a residential care facility. he said after 4 or 5 months the children come out knowing how to cope with authority, rules, and temper.

my son is only 7. it breaks my heart to do this to him. does anyone have any experience with the meds and the behavior... or the away from home therpay. i am losing it here....

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Answer:

How Medications (Meds) Are Used—

Medication can be an effective part of the treatment for several psychiatric disorders of childhood and adolescence. A doctor's recommendation to use medication often raises many concerns and questions in both the moms & dads and the youngster. The physician who recommends medication should be experienced in treating psychiatric illnesses in kids and teens. He or she should fully explain the reasons for medication use, what benefits the medication should provide, as well as possible risks and side effects and other treatment alternatives.

Psychiatric medication should not be used alone. The use of medication should be based on a comprehensive psychiatric evaluation and be one part of a comprehensive treatment plan.

Before recommending any medication, the psychiatrist interviews the youngster and makes a thorough diagnostic evaluation. In some cases, the evaluation may include a physical exam, psychological testing, laboratory tests, other medical tests such as an electrocardiogram (EKG) or electroencephalogram (EEG), and consultation with other medical specialists.

Meds which have beneficial effects may also have side effects, ranging from just annoying to very serious. As each youngster is different and may have individual reactions to medication, close contact with the treating physician is recommended. Do not stop or change a medication without speaking to the doctor. Psychiatric medication should be used as part of a comprehensive plan of treatment, with ongoing medical assessment and, in most cases, individual and/or family psychotherapy. When prescribed appropriately by a psychiatrist (preferably a psychiatrist), and taken as prescribed, medication may reduce or eliminate troubling symptoms and improve the daily functioning of kids and teens with psychiatric disorders.

Medication may be prescribed for psychiatric symptoms and disorders, including, but not limited to:

1. Anxiety (school refusal, phobias, separation or social fears, generalized anxiety, or posttraumatic stress disorders)-if it keeps the youngster from normal daily activities.
2. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)-marked by a short attention span, trouble concentrating and restlessness. The youngster is easily upset and frustrated, often has problems getting along with family and friends, and usually has trouble in school.
3. Autism-(or other pervasive developmental disorder such as Asperger's Syndrome)-characterized by severe deficits in social interactions, language, and/or thinking or ability to learn, and usually diagnosed in early childhood.
4. Bedwetting-if it persists regularly after age 5 and causes serious problems in low self-esteem and social interaction.
5. Bipolar (manic-depressive) disorder-periods of depression alternating with manic periods, which may include irritability, "high" or happy mood, excessive energy, behavior problems, staying up late at night, and grand plans.
6. Depression-lasting feelings of sadness, helplessness, hopelessness, unworthiness and guilt, inability to feel pleasure, a decline in school work and changes in sleeping and eating habits.
7. Eating disorder-either self-starvation (anorexia nervosa) or binge eating and vomiting (bulimia), or a combination of the two.
8. Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)-recurring obsessions (troublesome and intrusive thoughts) and/or compulsions (repetitive behaviors or rituals such as handwashing, counting, checking to see if doors are locked) which are often seen as senseless but which interfere with a youngster's daily functioning.
9. Psychosis-symptoms include irrational beliefs, paranoia, hallucinations (seeing things or hearing sounds that don't exist) social withdrawal, clinging, strange behavior, extreme stubbornness, persistent rituals, and deterioration of personal habits. May be seen in developmental disorders, severe depression, schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia, and some forms of substance abuse.
10. Severe aggression-which may include assaultiveness, excessive property damage, or prolonged self-abuse, such as head-banging or cutting.
11. Sleep problems-symptoms can include insomnia, night terrors, sleep walking, fear of separation, anxiety.

Types Of Meds—

Psychiatric meds can be an effective part of the treatment for psychiatric disorders of childhood and adolescence. In recent years there have been an increasing number of new and different psychiatric meds used with kids and teens. Research studies are underway to establish more clearly which meds are most helpful for specific disorders and presenting problems. Clinical practice and experience, as well as research studies, help physicians determine which meds are most effective for a particular youngster. Before recommending any medication, the psychiatrist (preferably a psychiatrist) should conduct a comprehensive diagnostic evaluation of the youngster or teen. Moms & dads should be informed about known risks and/or FDA warnings before a youngster starts any psychiatric medication. When prescribed appropriately by an experienced psychiatrist (preferably a psychiatrist) and taken as directed, medication may reduce or eliminate troubling symptoms and improve daily functioning of kids and teens with psychiatric disorders.

ADHD Meds: Stimulant and non-stimulant meds may be helpful as part of the treatment for attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD). Examples of stimulants include: Dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine, Adderal) and Methylphenidate (Ritalin, Metadate, Concerta). Non-stimulant meds include Atomoxetine (Strattera).

Antidepressant Meds: Antidepressant meds may be helpful in the treatment of depression, school phobias, panic attacks, and other anxiety disorders, bedwetting, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, personality disorders, posttraumatic stress disorder, and attention deficit hyperactive disorder. There are several types of antidepressant meds. Examples of serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SRI's) include: Fluoxetine (Prozac), Sertraline (Zoloft), Paroxetine (Paxil), Fluvoxamine (Luvox), Venlafaxine (Effexor), Citalopram (Celexa) and Escitalopram (Lexapro). Examples of atypical antidepressants include: Bupropion (Wellbutrin), Nefazodone (Serzone), Trazodone (Desyrel), and Mirtazapine (Remeron). Examples of tricyclic antidepressants (TCA's) include: Amitriptyline (Elavil), Clomipramine (Anafranil), Imipramine (Tofranil), and Nortriptyline (Pamelor). Examples of monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOI's) include: Phenelzine (Nardil), and Tranylcypromine (Parnate).

Antipsychotic Meds: These meds can be helpful in controlling psychotic symptoms (delusions, hallucinations) or disorganized thinking. These meds may also help muscle twitches ("tics") or verbal outbursts as seen in Tourette's Syndrome. They are occasionally used to treat severe anxiety and may help in reducing very aggressive behavior. Examples of first generation antipsychotic meds include: Chlorpromazine (Thorazine), Thioridazine (Mellaril), Fluphenazine (Prolixin), Trifluoperazine (Stelazine), Thiothixene (Navane), and Haloperidol (Haldol). Second generation antipsychotic meds (also known as atypical or novel) include: Clozapine (Clozaril), Risperidone (Risperdal), Quetiapine (Seroquel), Olanzapine (Zyprexa), Ziprasidone (Geodon) and Aripiprazole (Abilify).

Mood Stabilizers and Anticonvulsant Meds: These meds may be helpful in treating bipolar disorder, severe mood symptoms and mood swings (manic and depressive), aggressive behavior and impulse control disorders. Examples include: Lithium (lithium carbonate, Eskalith), Valproic Acid (Depakote, Depakene), Carbamazepine (Tegretol), Gabapentin (Neurontin), Lamotrigine (Lamictil), Topiramate (Topamax), and Oxcarbazepine (Trileptal).

Anti-anxiety Meds: These meds may be helpful in the treatment of severe anxiety. There are several types of anti-anxiety meds: benzodiazepines; antihistamines; and atypicals. Examples of benzodiazepines include: Alprazolam (Xanax), lorazepam (Ativan), Diazepam (Valium),and Clonazepam (Klonopin). Examples of antihistamines include: Diphenhydramine (Benadryl), and Hydroxizine (Vistaril). Examples of atypical anti-anxiety meds include: Buspirone (BuSpar), and Zolpidem (Ambien).

Sleep Meds: A variety of meds may be used for a short period to help with sleep problems. Examples include: Trazodone (Desyrel), Zolpidem (Ambien), Zaleplon (Sonata) and Diphenhydramine (Benadryl).

Miscellaneous Meds: Other meds are also being used to treat a variety of symptoms. For example: clonidine (Catapres) may be used to treat the severe impulsiveness in some kids with ADHD and guanfacine (Tenex) for "flashbacks" in kids with PTSD.

Long-Acting Meds: Many newer meds are taken once a day. These meds have the designation SR (sustained release), ER or XR (extended release), CR (controlled release) or LA (long-acting)

Questions To Ask—

Medication can be an important part of treatment for some psychiatric disorders in kids and teens. Psychiatric medication should only be used as one part of a comprehensive treatment plan. Ongoing evaluation and monitoring by a physician is essential. Moms & dads and guardians should be provided with complete information when psychiatric medication is recommended as part of their youngster's treatment plan. Kids and teens should be included in the discussion about meds, using words they understand. By asking the following questions, kids, teens, and their moms & dads will gain a better understanding of psychiatric meds:

1. Are there any activities that my youngster should avoid while taking the medication? Are any precautions recommended for other activities?
2. Are there any laboratory tests (e.g. heart tests, blood test, etc.) which need to be done before my youngster begins taking the medication? Will any tests need to be done while my youngster is taking the medication?
3. Are there any other meds or foods which my youngster should avoid while taking the medication?
4. Are there interactions between this medication and other meds (prescription and/or over-the-counter) my youngster is taking?
5. Does my youngster's school nurse need to be informed about this medication?
6. How long will my youngster need to take this medication? How will the decision be made to stop this medication?
7. How will the medication help my youngster? How long before I see improvement? When will it work?
8. Is this medication addictive? Can it be abused?
9. What are the side effects which commonly occur with this medication?
10. What do I do if a problem develops (e.g. if my youngster becomes ill, doses are missed, or side effects develop)?
11. What is known about its helpfulness with other kids who have a similar condition to my youngster?
12. What is the cost of the medication (generic vs. brand name)?
13. What is the name of the medication? Is it known by other names?
14. What is the recommended dosage? How often will the medication be taken?
15. Will a psychiatrist be monitoring my youngster's response to medication and make dosage changes if necessary? How often will progress be checked and by whom?

Treatment with psychiatric meds is a serious matter for moms & dads, kids and teens. Moms & dads should ask these questions before their youngster or teen starts taking psychiatric meds. Moms & dads and kids/teens need to be fully informed about meds. If, after asking these questions, moms & dads still have serious questions or doubts about medication treatment, they should feel free to ask for a second opinion by a psychiatrist.


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Is military school or boot camp the answer for an out of control teen?

What are some alternatives?

By out of control I mean he smokes pot and steals the $ to get it from his parents. He tells his mother that she is a joke and threatens to hurt her. He's failed in school 4 years in a row, but then scrapes by in summer school. He shot out all the windows of the house with a pellet gun. If he is told to do anything he tells his parents to F off. He keeps talking about how he can't wait until he's 16 so he can drop out of school.

They had him on a PINS petition, but that didn't help at all. He convinced the officer that his mother was the one that was lying and everyone felt bad for him. The officer told his mother that she had no right to tell him what time to go to bed or eat dinner.

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She wants desperately for him to spend time with her...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

I have a daughter that is 13 years old. Her dad and I have been divorced since she was very little. She wants desperately for him to spend time with her. But he does not. She still sneaks and calls him - I try not to say anything but I just wish she would not lie to me about this. I am also, having problems with her not taking her school work seriously. I think she thinks she will just keep passing but she just started high school and it is not elementary or middle school.

I'm at a loss and don't know what to do next...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com = I need help with the following issue:

My 15 year old son received his 4th MIP last night - 2 for alcohol and 2 for cigarettes. He has had 2 alcohol & drug evaluations, 2 courses of education, meetings, court, probation, ect., and it really does not seem to matter to him too much. He wants to drop school and get his GED - Unacceptable! I'm at a loss and don't know what to do next or how to address the most recent MIP with him. Any suggestions or comments would be appreciated.

Am I being defensive??

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

I have friends telling me to do this or do that!!! Be strong! Punish! Let them know you will not have it! Throw them out! ....the friends just think it is a question of being tough! I do not think so. It has been tried and IT DOES NOT WORK......the friends drive me crazy with their glib remarks...am I being defensive??

I have started session 1 and am using my poker face with the kids....(seems to be working!)...I'm not sure if this is really a question...seems more like blowing off steam.....I am glad I found this site!!

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Daughter has consistently bad grades...

My daughter has consistently bad grades. We have done it all - taken everything away, including putting most of her bedroom in storage, etc. Nothing has helped. I decided to let her go it on her own but am really struggling with it. She is doing her chores at home and is pleasant as long as school/grades are not brought up. It is killing me to watch her not do her homework/studying. I am just looking for others experience/wisdom in this area. I am debating starting the horror again of fighting/taking things away and our home in disarray.

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What would you think, child's behaviour?

i look after my niece every so often but since her mum has had a new partner the little girl has changed. better behaved was a good thing but im a bit worried about her now, the other day when i looked after her she cried when she went to the loo because she pooed and she said she didnt wanna poo,,,a bit odd, then today i looked up2 her and said oh you silly girl youve taken you hairbands out, to which she balled out crying saying dont tell mummy and her new bloke as shed get in trouble, the only was i could calm her down is to say id re-do her hair and i wouldnt tell anyone...2 which she hugged me and said thanx...whats going on at home?...do you think they are being 2 strick or what and what would you do if you found yourself in this situation thanx

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I am ignoring her in my room, but she follows me around and won't give me space...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

Here is a typical day in our house which consists of my 14 yr old daughter and myself. She wakes up at 7 to get ready for school (she does this on her own so I give her praise) but she wakes up angery so she will not speak to me and tells me to shut up and not talk to her. We ready for the day yet she sneaks my cell phone (she has used up all of her minutes on hers) and starts calling friends. When I ask who because I hear plans being made, she says its none of my business. Although I give her a ride to school she walks out the door early saying she is getting a ride with someone else but wont tell me who. After some time she says its her friends mom. I see that it is a parent and ok it - now late for leaving myself. She texts me all day at work saying how bored she is. I receive a phone call that she has been in a verbal arguement with another girl and will have In School Suspension the next morning so she needs to be in early. She has also been dress coded for weraing thin strapped tank top (took off sweat shirt she wore over it). At 4 she misses the bus to my work where she is supposed to come each day in order to get a ride home (she attends school in another district then where we live so she does not bus home). SHe calls for me to leave work to pick here up - I make her walk but this takes 45 min more than it should due to hanging out with friends. She gets to my work and starts argueing with me in front of my boss. She demands my attention even though I am at work (but we live in a big city - and I really dont have any other options for her after school). We leave to go home and she demands to be taken to the store. I refuse, the pestering begins along with her begging for use of my cell phone. Once at home she gets on computer and it is another arguement for me to have some time on it. She steals my phone when I am one the computer. She claims not to have homework - I go through her stuff to find out but she writes nothing down in class. If I say anything about feeling that she must have some studying she accuses me of not beliving in her. (she is very smart, 135 IQ her test showd and gets A's with little effort - but this has made her lazy and thinks she does not have to work at it so ends up getting F's for missing work). When I find the cell gone, I get it and she speands the next 30 minutes saying "Why? Why? Why?" over and over getting louder all along. I am ignoring her in my room, but she follows me around and won't give me space. She will crank up music and do anything to annoy me as I am trying to fall asleep. Finally she winds down around 11. This is after coming in my bedroom and waking me at least 4 or 5 times for nonsense. Throughout all of this through the day are uncontrolled cursing, and telling me she hates me. I wake up each morning hoping for a better day. Arrgh!

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Son left the house without permission...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support =

I have just purchased the book and am beginning to read it. The final straw came when my son left the house without permission and did not come home. He contacted us to "check in" but has decided he will stay gone as long as he wants. My question is: I am very ready to move forward and get him and us help. Should this "running away" episode be punished or should I put it in my "deal with it later" file and begin the program?

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My daughter is not following rules...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:

My daughter is not following rules, acts lazy, angry, won't listen. Acts as though the only important thing is her t.v. and games. If i take privledges away, she runs to her room and locks the door. she treats me like I'm the problem. she trys acting like she's underprivledged and I should ignore her rebellion, and not following the house rules. She is always wanting more and more and doesn't help out. I'ts frustrating

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13 yr old ODD daughter...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support =

I need help with the following issue: Hi. I am new. I have a 13 yr old ODD daughter who has been difficult since three. I am a single Mom and she has really frazzled me. I have always tried to remain calm and not let her get to me, but it happened and we have had our share of crappy times - I have even had to call the police on her (at age 12!) when she threatened me with a knife a few days before Christmas. So, now I am really working at staying calm and she is trying everthing in her book to piss me off: insistent pestering, threats of destroying stuff, name calling or mean teasing, screaming, ranting, and telling me to shut th F*** up.

I see a little improvement today but I feel drained most of the time. I have no friends or family around us, no break. But I am working at this and have hope. My question today is how best to deal with the fowl language and name calling to be mean to me?

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What do you do when you have a problem child in a church youth group?

We have a person at our church that interrupts, yells outs, insults, acts "emo", and is very attention seeking. We've tried to help her out, but she just seems to act the same, to get more attention. She even went as far as to make a suicide threat at church. She has ended up driving people away from our youth group.

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I need help...

I need help with the following issue: I have a 15 and 16 year old, both boys. My 16 year old has speech apraxia with a processing disorder and my 15 year old has cerebral palsy, very mild, but muscle tone and gait issues. I divorced their father when they were 8 and 9. Their father is a psychiatrist who has basically given up on our 16 year old. My 16 year old was caught for theft in school this past year. I was mortified of course when the school called me in and I made him empty his wallet, which was about 3 times the amount of the money that he stole from a March of Dimes box. I also made him read up on just what the March of Dimes was as he said he didn't know what the box at the front of the room was for and that it was supposed to be a joke that he and his friends were going to put it in a different classroom. He has many control issues with his father and has even gotten into a physical confrontatio!
n with his father. I demanded that they attend therapy and my ex couldn't handle being confronted on some issues that really bother my son, one being that his father brings younger women with little kids, usually of a different race and religion, to his home when the boys are there for their weekend. My son resents babysitting for these children while my ex visits with his friend. He also was embarrassed that my ex still had the boys bedroom as they were when they were very young. Needless to say my ex refused to ever go back to the therapist again and told my son several times that he is not welcome in his home. My other son, the younger, with the mild CP, has a happy go lucky attitude and has lots of friends and wants to be social all of the time. One of his friends became interested in my older son and my youngest was very upset and I told my oldest to stay away from her as his brother obviously has a crush on her. My oldest never took it any further. He got his !
own girlfriend who he liked alot but she wasn't as interested and broke up with him. My youngest met up with her at an ice skating rink and they tried to have a "down low" relationship. My oldest found out and I think I forgot to mention that they are black belts in karate. Next thing you know, I have a Jackie Chan movie live in my formal living room. My youngest was actually pulling weapons out and it was a nightmare. My oldest said he would never hurt him but wanted to scare him. Either way it was horrible and my fiance intervened. I grounded my youngest for overstepping his bounds with our family and the principles that he knows he is supposed to follow regarding girlfriend issues and he didn't go to the ice rink that Friday. That was 3 weeks ago and I reasoned with my sons father and asked him to try and work things out with my oldest, so they are both there this weekend again. The boys took a walk to the park today as per my ex and my youngest saw some friends and wanted to go with them and my oldest told him they were geeks and r!
efused to go along. Then he said that his brother wouldn't bond with him. Then he took a total fit and demanded that his brother not be allowed to go to the ice rink tonight, which I think is good for his legs and he enjoys this and he seemed very sorry for dating his brother's ex girlfriend and has stopped all contact with her, so he says. My older one already had plans to go to his friends for a sleepover and a 16 year old poker party. No money involved, just chips and they pitch in for pizza and sodas. I'm just great full that he is social with some people. Needless to say I cannot stand the anger and hate between the two of them. After the original ex girlfriend incident we went to a 4 H fair and a boy there made fun of my youngest son's teeth and my oldest got extremely offended and stood up for him. I can't tell what's going on here. I think my oldest is controlling but is it possible he's trying to protect him. He has never physically touched him, my younges!
t has went after the older one. I know I am long winded and I apologize. Thank you. Oh and I scored a 99 on the test!

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My kids make bad deals with each other, then fight over them. How do I stop it?

My ten-year-old daughter has a habit of making ridiculous bribes so that her little brother will cave into her demands.

If she wants, say, the rest of his bag of chips, she'll plead, "Josh. Pleeeeeeeeze! Come on! I'll give you my Icebat Ugly Doll!''

Josh, who is six, usually falls for it. And usually, Janice hands over the toy. For about an hour. Then, we hear shrieks and sobs as they fight over the terms of the deal.

Janice's offers are always outsized, while the favors she wants are small. If he throws her napkin away, she'll swear to do anything he wants for the rest of the day, only to renege ten minutes later.

Sometimes, Josh will eye her suspiciously and refuse the offers. Sometimes, she'll promise something she wants to unload, like a duplicate fast food Pokemon toy, and there won't be a problem.

But it never lasts for long. We've tried banning the "trades,'' then, when that didn't work, letting them deal with the consequences.

We've encouraged Janice to scale back on the extravagent promises and warned Josh that if his sister offers him $100 dollars for his glow-in-the dark rubber bracelet, she's probably not going to fork it over.

I've also tried reciting scripts from parenting books..

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Son refuses to do schoolwork...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue: My 15 year old son refuses to do schoolwork. (other than that he's a good kid...)

My x let my 14 year old son get his ear pierced...

My x let my 14 year old son get his ear pierced. I have custody and while my son was visiting the "goober boy" he let my son get his ear pierced. I am totally shocked. I am completely upset. This is totally against everything I have been trying to teach my child. I just don't know what to do anymore.

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Anger management program for Intermitten Explosive Disorder?

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = Has anyone tried the anger management program for Intermitten Explosive Disorder? If so, what do you think? After reading some, I think my child has Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Has anyone purchased the Anger Management program online, and if so, has it helped? My son is 15 and we have had a lot of issues with his rages. The most concerning are the ones when he is physically violent. Thanks for any advice/info.

15 yr old has been using drugs...

Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I am a stepparent and my 15 yr old has been using drugs and having sex.

Daughter was diagnosed with a sensory integration problem...

Five years ago my daughter was diagnosed with a sensory integration problem when she was a child. Sure, it's tough to have that but her behavior is so nasty. She hates her brother. She's rude and defiant - the typical out-of-control stuff. She's on medication, refuses to speak to her therapist. She ruins every family party when she can't be the center of attention. My son wants to go to dinner on his birthday and does not want her to come along. Again, she is hostile, defiant, belligerent and loudly rude in public to get to us. Is it wrong to leave her with her aunt while we enjoy one peaceful outing. We are willing to let her have a dinner out on her September birthday without her brother, if she wants it that way.

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I caught my friends 11yr old daughter at the shops with a group of kids, no adults, she told me not to tell?

my daughters friends are all 11yrs old, today was a day off school, i took my kids to the plaza and saw her school friends mucking about,, this happened a few months ago aswell, im friends with her mum and she said ''please dont tell my mum we are here alone''
as her mum works and theres a day off school she drops her at another girls house for the day, where that mum drops them off at the shopping centre and picks them up hours later,, while there they meet up with boys in their class aswell and a few months back they all got kicked out of the cinema cos they were stuffing about,, i saw them that day and thats how i knew!,, she begged me then not to tell her mum as well

if her mum knew about this she would freak out as shes real strict,,, am i being irresponsible for not dobbing? or should i just not give a damn cos my child isnt involved?
if i dob my daughter will get teased for sure, thats why i havent dobbed,,,,yet!

what would u do?,, thanks, i need advice here xxxxxxx

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I Think My Daughter Wants to be a Gold Digger? Advice?

So, I'm concerned about my daughter and her values. Ever since she was little she always sided with the "bad girls" on TV shows because they had nice clothes and I had to explain to her why they were bad people and how clothes don't make the person. Now, she's telling her aunt (who's only a year older than her) that she doesn't have to go to college because her job will be to get married when she grows up, and her favorite part in Journey to the Center of the Earth was when they found the diamonds. I'm a single mom, I've worked for everything I've ever gotten, and I'm working hard to get my degree and support myself, so I don't know where these values are coming from! Any advice on how to counter the developing gold-digger in her? I am really worried!

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Question regarding disciplining a child when that child was previously physically abused?

This question is only to those who believe in spanking. Let's suppose that I have became the legal guardian of a younger cousin a boy who is to move into my home and live with myself and my children . And this younger cousin has been physically abused previously while being spanked as in they were injured and the prospect of being spanked of course would terrify them . Well lets say i spank my children when i deem neccesary . My first inclination would be don't do it to my younger cousin , but there is a real conflict here because when the younger cousin needs to be disciplined if i don't discipline him in the same manner as my children it seems unfair .. How should i handle this ?

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7yr old was touched...what can I do?

My daughter who is 7 told me that her cousin (my brother's son) put his hands in her pants when they were at our parent's house. Of course she hasn't seen him since. I have told my brother about what my daughter said happend, and he got upset at me and told me that is what kids do. I don't think that it is right for him to just get away with it, but I don't want to call the police or anything like that because he is only 12. Should I let this go? And my daughter said that he did this one time before she told me (2 times total). What would you do?

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My son is 12 years old and is afraid of being kidnapped...

My son is 12 years old and is afraid of being kidnapped ...what should I say??
He's never acted this way before ...please help me ...he watches the news a lot ...we live in ohio, and when we had a family together, he wasn't scared, but his sister and brother moved out, and now its only me and him.

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Is that enough of a consequence?

Today my son went to work and left his ipod on at an extremely loud setting in his room behind a locked door. I, of course had the key, so I unlocked it and took the IPOD and his XBOX. Is that enough of a consequence? Is it best to leave it be now that I am once again in a quiet house and in possession of his electronics?

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Diagnosed with ADD and depression...

My daughter is 13. She's been diagnosed with ADD and depression, and I suffer from both "disorders" as well. Her father, my ex-husband, has never been diagnosed, but he has all of the symptoms of adhd and is verbally abusive.

Anyway, we rec'd a second opinion on my daughter's conditions, and the new psychiatrist is changing her antidepressant from effexor to zoloft.

I'm not being biased--My daughter is very beautiful and has a superior iq (120). I love both my daughters very, very much. However, her impulsiveness, which hasn't lessened very much and for which we are increasing the concerta, is getting her into a lot of trouble. I feel helpless, because I cannot watch her 24 hours a day and don't believe that's the answer to the problem anyway. However, I cannot trust her. She is remorseful when she gets caught (i.e., having friends over when I'm at work, smoking cigarettes, promiscuity, etc.), but she does not seem to learn from the consequences (3 day groundings--per your book, no computer, etc.) or the fact that she got a urinary tract infection and had a pregnancy scare--that's right, at 13 years old! She tells me she hates the feeling she gets by disappointing me (and her dad). When she gets caught, she's honest about what she did wrong. She just keeps making bad decisions, over and over again. Decisions that are bad for her.

I keep reading about how behavior like hers is a cry for attention. I don't know how much "attention" I need to give her. Or what kind of attention, perhaps. I take her to therapy every week, and I have signed her up for volunteer work three days a week. I'm petrified on the days when she's not chaperoned.

I don't even know what to ask for in this blog.

Lost and scared to death.

M

I told my son no smoking cigarettes...

Okay, I told my son no smoking cigarettes, pot or drinking at my house, but he comes home smelling like cigarettes, sometimes buzzed from alcohol, and a lot of the time he looks stoned from smoking pot. I told him I cant control what he does while is gone, but I can control what happens at home. He is 16 years old. We would not sign permission for his drivers license because of the alcohol and pot use, but as much as he talks about getting a car, he wont quit. So what more can I do?

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I'm having difficulty with patience waiting for things to get better...

I'm having difficulty with patience waiting for things to get better. I can't trust my older 18 daughter at all. We talked about re-building the trust, but she keeps lying to me about smoking and drug use. My younger daughter 16 keeps covering for her. This week alone, I have caught her stealing, smoking, taking drugs, changing her college transcripts and lying about them all while looking me right in the eye. I followed the steps of assmt. 1, but it's so hard to wait. I think she's stoned now, and all she is doing is laying around the house because, "I won't let her out".

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Do you believe that most permissive parents where raised by authoritarian parents?

Not authoritative, but the extreme authoritarian parents. Wouldn't that explain the lack of discipline in their homes?

If they were raised with overbearing parents doesn't it make sense that they want to give their children "freedom" to do as they please?

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How do you keep them at home...

How do you keep them at home, summer time hours, chores one a day, works part time? It seems like with mom and dad at work, he has the freedom to be gone and not having to come home before curfew. I am enforcing the once or twice a week family meal at home. Gets chores done before he goes out. Once he is gone, hard to get him to come home just to be home. 16 years old, car is taken away. On foot or out with friends who drive. dsims

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We prohibited their dating and she lied and has been seeing him anyway...

We have an 18 year old daughter that started dating a 20 year old when she was 17. We prohibited their dating and she lied and has been seeing him anyway and has lied repeatedly saying she is not seeing him or that they have broken up. They have had sex and she refuses to stop seeing him. He is reputed to use and sell drugs and he has previously been convicted of assault and he has threatend to commit suicide if she stops seeing her. He is very controlling and we believe he drove his car into the side of her parked car one night when she broke up with him. Her friends have told her to stop seeing him because of his bad reputation but she refuses their advice and some of them have stopped hanging around with her. Her reputation is tarnished and we believe he is dangerous.

We have had her hair tested for drugs and she does not show drug use but is abusing alcohol. We continue to tell her to stop seeing him and calling him or taking his calls but she refuses and says she is 18 and can do and see who she pleases.

We threaten to take her phone and car away if she sees her but she either says she we can't stop her or that she will commit suicide. I want to take her car and phone away unless she stops calling and seeing him but her mother says she will just leave with him or commit suicide. The daughter is in control, what should we do.

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Girlfriend Sleepover

My 16 year old son thinks he should be allowed to have his girlfriend sleepover. He won't follow my rules.

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I can't take the talking back and the arguing...

I can't take the talking back and the arguing. How do you get a kid to stop this but yet allow them to have an opinion and an stand. How do you know that you aren't pushing them too far to get them to do what you want.

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My twin 16 year old boys went to a party?

My twin 16 year old boys went to a party? ...they didnt drive, they rode with a friend. Well, they drank a few beers and were quite tipsy....we have always told them about drinking and driving etc...and that they should not drink until they are of age, but that they could always call home for any reason...they called their older brother to come pick them up....so my oldest son broke up the party and made sure all the kids got home safe...the twins didnt tell me, my oldest son told me...do I punish them....or chalk it up as a learning experience...they dont know that I know, it happened last night. What would you do?

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Not sure how to deal with this...

Not sure how to deal with this. My 14-year-old son ran up $200 in charges on his cell phone by downloading games, music, and videos. He knew that these cost money and that we would eventually get the bill and find out about it. When we showed him the bill he said "Sorry" and didn't at all seemed concerned. We grounded him, took the phone away, and put a block on the phone so that he can't do it again. It's only the second day of grounding and he's whining and complaining, refusing to do the chores we have set out for him, and in some cases has said he has done a chore that he obviously has not. I also caught him checking messages on the cell in two instances. He gives us the impression that he's not at all concerned that we must pay this $200 and that we're ruining his life by grounding him and taking the phone away.

This is not the first time something like this has happened. Last summer he ran up $200 in iTunes charges on his iPod. In that case, we sold the iPod to pay for the download charges. (He has since earned enough money and repurchased an iPod.) Then, about four months ago he ran up $250 in cell phone charges for text messaging. We gave him the benefit of the doubt on this one because he said that his friends told him that it didn't cost anything--they all have text messaging included on their plans--and nearly $200 came from incoming text messages and not ones he was sending. In this instance, we took the phone away from him until we could change our cell plan to include text messaging.

I just don't know what to do. Grounding him doesn't seem to be the right thing. And yet if he's not in the house then I want him to have his cell phone with him in case of an emergency or I need to get in touch with him. I'd like to make him do chores to pay off the bill, but once he gets the phone back he has no incentive to do those chores. (And he complains that weeding and washing the car are too difficult and refuses to do them. Yes, I know, we've spoiled him.)

What are reasonable consequences here? And how do you reach a kid who gives the impression that he just doesn't care about anything but his own instant gratification? (This kid who just brought me a milk shake that he made "just for me" and said he's sorry for the way he's acting but he can't help it. Sigh.)

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Is anyone else shocked by the lack of knowledge about conception in today's teenagers?

Don't parents talk to their children about sex anymore, at all? My Mom was far from being an "open book" when it came to sex, but I remember well the talk she gave me when I was about 10 as to where babies come from. And starting in middle school, we learned about ovulation, how babies are conceived, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, childbirth... aren't they teaching any of that in school these days?

Another thing that shocks me is the number of teenagers I see who are trying to have a baby with their boyfriends - with little thought as to how hard, and expensive it is, to raise a child. I have always loved children, but the thought of having one before I was an adult NEVER crossed my mind!

What do you think has caused this shift in thinking, societally?

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Aspergers Child

Anyone have a child with Aspergers? Have you found a way to stop the "meltdowns" and temper tantrums?

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What do you do when your child is fighting for attention?

I pay my little darling a lot of attention, (she's four) respect and value what she has to say. I never interupt her and always really listen to what she has to say. However, when ever I or friends or family start talking she will gladly stomp around say WAH NI NO LA BBBRRA DEEEPPO DDEEPPO DEEE till whoever is speaking has to stop talking and ask her to calm down. Please don't say that she wants my attention because I know that, and talking calmly and explaining isn't working (or it's taking a long time). Oh and please no smacking or naughty corner solutions. Thanks.

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12 Year old son?

I been having behavior with my 12 year old son. Recently he saw a therapist. I was told my son is suffering from Depression and might also have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. His father is not around. At school teacher complain about his behavior. Recently he was given detention for 3 days for picking on a kid. and also the teacher ask him to stop making a sound that he does by his mouth. THis clicking sound he does notice this since he was a toddler. How can i explain the teacher / school about this. He can't stop making this sound is not that he does it all day. but he can't control it. I trying to do the best thing for my son.. how would you as a parent handle this situation of this clicking sound. would appreciate. thanks.

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How should I handle this?

Ok, long story short. My sons father and I are not together and we haven't been together since I was 7 months pregnant and my son is now almost 7 months old.

Last week, we went to court for visitation, custody, and child support. We ended up on agreeing to a graduated visitation schedule (having him come visit Johnny in my home first, then slowly introducing Johnny to his house and eventually spending the night there). However, the child support was an issue we couldn't agree on - and I honestly think he's upset about the amount of support he has to pay.

Visitation time came around on Saturday, dad was a no show. Visitation on Monday, dad was a no show again. Visitation yesterday, dad was a no show.

I have half a mind to call him and ask him if he ever plans on showing up for his visitations... But I'm afraid it will lead into a fight that I just don't want to have. I don't know what to do.

If you were in this situation, how would YOU handle it?

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Middle daughter has taken an intense dislike to him....

Please help. I have a new partner of 10 weeks and my middle daughter, who's 12, has taken an intense dislike to him. My two other daughters like him. He is a good guy and does not want to come between me and my children. He would rather walk away and let me sort things out with my pre-teen, who is now saying she wants to go live with her father, who has had very little involvement in her life so far. How can I encourage my
partner to want to stay and work this out? I don't want to lose him but I obviously don't want to lose my daughter either.

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What are your preferred parenting skills?

How old are your children and what are your house rules? How do you punish them? Generally, how do you bring up your children?

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What would be an appropriate consequence...

What would be an appropriate consequence and disciplinary action for me to implement for the following behavior. I really do want to guide this young man to making good choices.

My 16 year old grandson has been living with me since Sept 2007. Prior to his moving in with me, he has a 4 yr history of running away, drugs, stealing. He did have some behavior issues prior to 2003, but his behavior became out of control when the family broke down and he and his brother were taken by CAS (CPS), He has been in various foster homes and treatment facilities.

He has seemed to be been doing well in school and other areas, but I have noticed an attitude change in the last few weeks.

I am certain that he is using drugs (can smell it and have found smoking paraphernalia). Also, I just discovered some credit cards that belong to a family member in his dresser.

The family member had him over to their house to earn some $ for chores etc. They tell me there is some money missing as well (+- $80.00)

I intend to follow the instructions in the Out of Control Teen workshop for confronting him, return stolen property etc.

Sure do hope someone can help me out with this.

Regards,

Kathy

Do you ever feel like you're in a constant parenting battle with your mother?

Does anyone else feel this way? I love my mother to death and appreciate everything she does for me as well as my children. Having said that however, I find myself constantly defending my parental choices to her. She's really quick to "critique" everything I do both as a mom and as a wife. I know that she doesn't mean anything by it and that it's said out of love but I always feel emotionally drained after she leaves.

Does anyone else experience this with their mother or is my mom just "unique"? :)

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My Model-T

What would you do if your son asked to borrow your Model-T to take a girl out ?

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I am already seeing a change...

Mark Hutten, You completely rock!! I am only on Week #1, and I am already seeing a change.

I am so impressed with your web site. I keep finding more and more good, helpful stuff!

Thank you and your staff so much! May God bless you and you help us one child at a time to stop the insanity of out of control kids.

~ociana

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How can I make my son like me again?

He was very attached to me when he was a baby? nows his attached to his dad, what I want to know is does son usually shys away from from his mom when he gets older.

He wouldn't let me take off his cloth to wash him, he's 5 by the way. Does he have certain anxiety towards me? Is this common amount boys of this age group?

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Teenagers!!?

why is raising teenagers a challenge. i have ONE mom and ONE dad and 7 brothers and two sisters. no adoptions no step or halves. that makes ten of us. im 14 and me and my brothers and sisters are ALL ONE YEAR APART! so my parents are raising like 10 teenagers at one time and they say its a challenge. WHYYYYY? lol

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Moms, Would this upset you? What would you do?

My Mom lied to be about some travel. She favors my sister and her kids over me and my son - even though I am the reliable and stable/supportive one out of my siblings. My son's birthday is Thursday. She lied and made up this story about an emergency and leaving town. She then called a week later to let me know she is in Florida with my sister and her other 2 grandkids at Disney World. What was worse is she made the travel arrangements well in advance, and they have known about it for at least 2 months. All of her co-workers knew, I was the only one she lied to about it. I told her how I felt, now just don't want anything to do with her. To be honest I have nothing nice to say, so I would rather not say it. I'm upset about being lied to and my son's birthday - and think she could have taken them at a better time. What would you do? Advice please?

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Should I hide smoking from my daughter?

I have a 9-year-old son, and now a 6-month-old daughter ...and i think if i smoke in front of her in the future she will want to try it as well....do you think this is true?

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Sneaking a 16 Year Old Boy into her room...

Hello all, I found this site after the last "incident" My 13 Year Old Step Daughter has been sneaking a 16 Year Old Boy into her room while we are at work. I pretty much have her on lockdown whilst I read these materials. Question I had is, I am to the point that when she talks, I want to spit on her for all the lies she has told to my face, how do I forgive this and move on, its been lie after lie and "Ill never do it again I am so sorry" and she does it hours later...

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I resent my own daughter, what should I do?

My daughter was a result of an unplanned pregnancy. When I got pregnant with her, I had plans to go to medical school and I did not want a child at the time. In fact, I never wanted to have children. However, the night before I was scheduled to have an abortion, my mother found out I was pregnant. I was living with my parents at the time. Being that they were very strict Catholics, they did not allow me to get an abortion. Consequently, I had to marry my husband, have my daughter, and give up my dreams. My daughter, now 27, does not want to move out, she is unemployed and looking to get her MBA. She is also very pretty and popular. In fact, I had to support her most of her life. I did it because I felt I had a responsibility towards her. However, I resent her alot because I had to give up my life and dreams for her. Sometimes I hate her and want to kill her. I am also very jealous of her because she has what I do not have.

I wish my daughter would leave and have to struggle the way I did while I supported her. She is very annoying and all she ever talks about is how she is going to get an MBA, get married to Mr Right and have kids. I was not able to complete my education because of her being born. I was forced to have her because my parents were very strict Catholics and did not believe in abortion. I was forced to marry her dad and I am so happy he dropped dead. I wish I could just get rid of my daughter and be free. I wish that she would have to suffer because I had to for her.

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Help Please My 15 year old step daughter got a tattoo today her dad ok'd this?

It has DAD written in the middle of it. My question is is this weird? She does have issues with other people being around her dad. She is very jealous of other people. If her cousin comes over and they want to go help her dad do something she is MAD she gets all I would help but you have your favorite helping. The other day she asked him if she could help make breakfast and he said he was done she got mad and said that if she was her cousin that he would let her help then. Her cousins dad is a diabetic and my husband will go pick him up and take him to play football and things. Help please I just don't know what to do.

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Step daughter?

I have three step children and a baby with my current husband. Two of my step children are great kids, they obey, do their homework etc. But the youngest one (they are triplets) is quite a handfull. Her siblings told me that she is choking herself in the bathroom some with a towel at night . They also told me she cries most nights, and has had talk of suicide. She often has big bruises on her wrists when asked about it she replies that she doesnt know.

I found porn in her room, and a razor blade. My husband travels a lot. And I have no idea what to do, I am new at parenting. She is 16. Any advice?

thanks

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How do you know if your 15 year old boy is using drugs?

He's smart but doesn't care about his grades? Last year he was an almost straight A student. Now, all he wants to do is play computer games and stay in his room. He isn't "ditching" school, he's respectful to his teachers but he just doesn't do his assignments. His parents are divorced and he lives with his Dad. His mother is remarried and treats him badly - that's why he doesn't spend the court ordered weekends with her. His Dad is a good provider and is frustrated with the school problems.

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Moms and Dads, what is a good family dog?

We would love to have a dog for our kids. My oldest is 2 and my youngest....well she has yet to make her arrival :) We would love a larger breed (not too big though). What is your experience with dogs and what would you recommend as a good family dog as well as a trainable watch dog and protective of our children?

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Do you think you should go w/o money to give a 14 yr old....?

Do you think you should go w/o money to give a 14 yr old the following for a birthday: An ipod touch cost from $300-400, plus $100 extra, an expensive restaurant meal, and cake and plus go somewhere to do something (that costs money)? Do you think that a 14 yr old needs all those things. It is terrible how they can make you feel guilty and feel as though you have to go in debt to buy them things, because their friends have them and they want them. Oh, plus a fancy Cell Phone. My fiance and I worked things out & now I am staying with him. He is doing that for his kid, but he thinks I shouldn't buy my son a $15 toy. He feels guilty if he doesn't do this. He does not have the money to do it. I will hear it later that he is broke and can't pay the bills and it is my fault. That is what usually happens. He doesn't really want to do all that, but he is going to because of guilt. His kids sibling paid for all of her expensive things theirself when they got a job.

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What is the process for CPS investigations and is this rumor true?

My neighbor who lives in the same townhome unit had CPS called on them because their neighbor on the opposite end said they heard a child screaming. My question is I thought CPS only investigates based on 'serious' issues, this sounds more like something to do with a domestic issue that would involve the military police (we live on a military base). I just wondered because I know for a fact that this neighbor is a really good parent to his kids and really don't believe anything abusive happened.

I am also concerned because I am at home with my two babies all the time and afraid now. Could someone really report to CPS about me just because my kid has a temper tantrum and the walls are thin? Scary thought indeed but logic tells me that there was much more to that story, perhaps the neighbor saw him leave the child unattended a few times or something much more severe... Just wondered because it doesn't add up to me.

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I hope they are healing tears...

Okay finally he is opening up to me Messy though, he is my grandson and has lived
with me for 16 years, he just turned 17 So what he is feeling is that he can no longer trust his mom, that as soon as things start getting better for her, she will turn her back on him again, and the dad has never been there at all, so thats no option, I validated his pain, yes he is feeling pain, and his feelings, while trying to get him to see if his mom has changed , and at least see her to get his birthday presents, but he will not, says he cannot be hurt anymore. A lot of this explains the acting up,numbing with pot,etc and they changed all his shifts around at work to , so he had a bad day yesterday as well Right now he is downstairs crying, and I am glad he talked to me , but it is upsetting to see him in tears, I hope they are healing tears, he says he is trying to hang around with nicer friends, thats why he has so few now, compared to last year, He is either very good at faking emotions and getting to me, or he is in real pain and I dont know what to do to help him, he refuses to see a counsellor right now, does not want to talk about it , says he just wants to try and be happy I am not! sure if the meds are working, he's been on them a month now I know i am rambling here , just clearing my thoughts a bit I guess, I do not have anyone to talk to about this, my boyfriend left in Oct, again someone who has been there for a long time leaving him I am following the program and working on communication with him right now, plus trying to boost his self esteem, I am thinking he must feel terrible any ideas will help

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Teens fighting on tape?

I saw it on the today show this morning but I think it was an older story. I kinda have mixed feelings about it because I don't think the girl should have gone into the house, but still...something about that situation don't sit right with me. If your child was involved in a situation like that, what would you do?

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How to get my son to come home...

i'm trying to figure out how to get my son to come home by his probational curfew which is 10pm, we get in constant arguments over this which he ignores and comes home around midnight. he is 17 years old. thanks.

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It's not always about changing the child's behavior?

It's not always about changing the child's behavior? I see so many questions on here about how someone's child is doing this or that and how to punish it, or how to change their behavior.

Don't parents realize that sometimes it's not about punishing the child? Don't parents realize that sometimes they need to change their own behavior in order to change the child's?

Most behavior happens for a reason, wouldn't it be better, as a parent, to figure out WHY the child is acting a certain way and then make adjustments? For example sometimes kids act out for attention like when a new baby is born. I see many parents come on and want to know how to punish the behavior. How about spending more one on one time with the child so they won't crave attention? That's just an example but there are many times when a parent can change their child's unwanted behavior by changing their own.

There are also times when a parent can change a child's unwanted reaction (temper tantrum for example) by changing how they approach a situation they know might cause a tantrum. So my question is, why do so many parents focus on changing their child's behavior once it happens with punishment and overlook the fact that they could change it by changing their own behavior, or even prevent it by changing their own approach, etc...? So many parents just try one punishment after the other and can't figure out why nothing is working....possibly they need to look into their own ways for the answer. As a parent do you try and look deeper into your child's behavior for answers to why they might be acting that way and then fix the underlining problem or do you tend to look focus on how to punish unwanted behavior once it happens? Of course punishment is necessary sometimes, obviously I'm not saying disregard punishment.

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Is anybody else as concerned as I am about childhood obesity?

Is anybody else as concerned as I am about childhood obesity? I had a client in the office today and her poor daughter and son were the ages 7 and 9...both extremely overweight...I almost feel its a form of child abuse...

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Why do teens think their grown?

Why do teens think their grown? ...especially girls ...do boys mistake those girls for easy since they try to act so grown for their age?

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How do you entertain EXTREMELY hyper kids????

I have to watch my cousins for a few days. How do you entertain kids???? My cousins are EXTREMELY rambunctious and hyper! They will NOT shut up! They don't really like movies, so that won't work. Can you tell me ideas to entertain that won't make me lose ALL my energy????!! Please help me!

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The bad behaviour is just wearing me down...

The bad behaviour is just wearing me down. I feel as if I've lost control. I've just got Mark's book this week so I'm hopeful that things will improve.

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He has no motivation...

We are about ready to send our son away to military school. He has no motivation to do well at school, constantly argues with us & his sister, tells us to shut up all the time, and has no respect for anyone else. We are at our wits end.

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My anxiety level is over the top...

Im so glad to find this site. My anxiety level is over the top. I have a beautiful 17 year old honor student, great job, a boyfriend who worships her, but has no respect for me...she has drug me across the floor by my hair, and has never forgiven me for not giving her the attention she deserved as a young child. This weekend I called a police officer to the restaurant where the kids and parents were celebrating our powerlifting team placing first in the state...her boyfriend won 3rd individually... but she had thrown a mad fit in the car and wound up hitting or as she says pushing me...

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Ear piercings for children ...do you think its wrong or cute?

My 2 year old got her ears done at 3 months ...it was hard to find somewhere that would do it but i did.. and she screamed ...i felt soo bad..

Do you think it was wrong? Do you think i should of waited till she was older to choose?

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