Online Parent Support Chat

I Think My Daughter Wants to be a Gold Digger? Advice?

So, I'm concerned about my daughter and her values. Ever since she was little she always sided with the "bad girls" on TV shows because they had nice clothes and I had to explain to her why they were bad people and how clothes don't make the person. Now, she's telling her aunt (who's only a year older than her) that she doesn't have to go to college because her job will be to get married when she grows up, and her favorite part in Journey to the Center of the Earth was when they found the diamonds. I'm a single mom, I've worked for everything I've ever gotten, and I'm working hard to get my degree and support myself, so I don't know where these values are coming from! Any advice on how to counter the developing gold-digger in her? I am really worried!

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Anonymous said...

Honestly, right now two of her big influences are television and what she reads/hears at school. However, you are her biggest influence. While, yes, she may be innately compelled to marry because she sees you as this single mom who has been struggling, this is something that can be quelled. You just have to continue to raise her to be smart and to ask questions. To question the status quo, that is. By the time she grows up more, she will hopefully have noticed how much you accomplished on your own. Keep working toward your degree. Make it clear that this is something that you wanted/needed for you, and not for any man. Teach her to have goals (like education) for herself and put those first. Encourage her to pursue things that break the stereotype. i.e. Math and science. However, push only things that she actually enjoys, because then you have to worry about resentment if you push her towards something she doesn't actually like. Show equality in your own romantic relationships. Raising a child is tough, simply because we are their first and most influential teachers. It's scary because we never truly realize how much we can affect their behavior. But don't worry - you seem to be a great mom that cares enough to be worried now about the person she will be in the future.

As for the rest of you - seriously. Evangelical church? Marry an old guy without a family?! Make her ugly??!! I really hope that none of you have children.

Anonymous said...

she may have the idea that she needs to get married to have wealth because she sees you as a single mom with no or little money ( no offense, i am the child of single mom so i understand the situation) and thinks that to have money you have to have a man to get it for you. stop buying her things that she wants explain to her that money can buyyou everything and dont give her an allowence, tell her that good deeds and kindness will get her the things she wants and when she does something thats not materialistic go out nd buy her a toy.