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Do you think you should go w/o money to give a 14 yr old....?

Do you think you should go w/o money to give a 14 yr old the following for a birthday: An ipod touch cost from $300-400, plus $100 extra, an expensive restaurant meal, and cake and plus go somewhere to do something (that costs money)? Do you think that a 14 yr old needs all those things. It is terrible how they can make you feel guilty and feel as though you have to go in debt to buy them things, because their friends have them and they want them. Oh, plus a fancy Cell Phone. My fiance and I worked things out & now I am staying with him. He is doing that for his kid, but he thinks I shouldn't buy my son a $15 toy. He feels guilty if he doesn't do this. He does not have the money to do it. I will hear it later that he is broke and can't pay the bills and it is my fault. That is what usually happens. He doesn't really want to do all that, but he is going to because of guilt. His kids sibling paid for all of her expensive things theirself when they got a job.

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Anonymous said...

That is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a while.

Sure, make her into another little Paris Hilton, some materialistic egocentric bobble head that expects the world to kiss her butt and give her everything with no work on her part.

Guilt? Why? Cuz not enough quality time is being spent? Then give them what matters--your time. Stuff is stuff.

At 14, if she thinks she deserves this, she has not been taught properly. A little kid guilt tripping? He's ALLOWING himself to be guilted. So, STOP IT.

If he's so blind to spend this on his kid, condemn you for a reasonable toy, and blame you for his inabilty to pay bills, he needs a wake up call too. This is an extremely unhealthy situation and will get worse if it is not stopped now. Obviously, things have not been worked out.

Anonymous said...

No way.

It's hard when kids see their friends enjoying things that they can't afford. But that's life.

Better to celebrate in a fashion that your budget allows than go broke giving him the best.

After all, that will just lead to stressed out and tense parents - and that's never best for our children.

Anonymous said...

I think it's a little sad that kids feel they're owed these things. You should give your 14 y/o some money, and give them the option to SAVE to buy these things that they want. Find a bank in the area that gives a bonus for opening a savings account. Like, HSBC here in Ny gives $25 for opening an account - that's $25 for doing nothing!

Then, after all of the saving and working hard, they'll feel that they actually acomplished something and worked for their new toys.

Anonymous said...

We would never spend that much on our 4 kids (ages 12 - 22) even if we had the $. We usually spend around $100 and I make them a meal of their choice or we go somewhere other than McD's as a family to celebrate. We've given gift cards to our kids to use towards purchasing those bigger items. That way they learn the lesson of saving for something and appreciate and take care of the things they've bought themselves. Chances are most of their friends have not been given all their nice things either.

Also, I see a huge red flag that not all kids are being treated the same - no matter how much $ you're spending!

ociana said...

I think that you are heading for big trouble if you think this will change after you and your fiance are married.

A dad who operates out of guilt is setting himself and his kid up for trouble, but to knowingly put your children and yourself in the middle of this situation is very irresponsible.

I don't mean to "hit you over the head," but seriously, why go into a marriage knowing that there will be battles over his child?

Please slow down and think about it. People really don't change unless they want to, and he obviously does not see the problem.