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I am ignoring her in my room, but she follows me around and won't give me space...

Parents Support One Another @ = I need help with the following issue:

Here is a typical day in our house which consists of my 14 yr old daughter and myself. She wakes up at 7 to get ready for school (she does this on her own so I give her praise) but she wakes up angery so she will not speak to me and tells me to shut up and not talk to her. We ready for the day yet she sneaks my cell phone (she has used up all of her minutes on hers) and starts calling friends. When I ask who because I hear plans being made, she says its none of my business. Although I give her a ride to school she walks out the door early saying she is getting a ride with someone else but wont tell me who. After some time she says its her friends mom. I see that it is a parent and ok it - now late for leaving myself. She texts me all day at work saying how bored she is. I receive a phone call that she has been in a verbal arguement with another girl and will have In School Suspension the next morning so she needs to be in early. She has also been dress coded for weraing thin strapped tank top (took off sweat shirt she wore over it). At 4 she misses the bus to my work where she is supposed to come each day in order to get a ride home (she attends school in another district then where we live so she does not bus home). SHe calls for me to leave work to pick here up - I make her walk but this takes 45 min more than it should due to hanging out with friends. She gets to my work and starts argueing with me in front of my boss. She demands my attention even though I am at work (but we live in a big city - and I really dont have any other options for her after school). We leave to go home and she demands to be taken to the store. I refuse, the pestering begins along with her begging for use of my cell phone. Once at home she gets on computer and it is another arguement for me to have some time on it. She steals my phone when I am one the computer. She claims not to have homework - I go through her stuff to find out but she writes nothing down in class. If I say anything about feeling that she must have some studying she accuses me of not beliving in her. (she is very smart, 135 IQ her test showd and gets A's with little effort - but this has made her lazy and thinks she does not have to work at it so ends up getting F's for missing work). When I find the cell gone, I get it and she speands the next 30 minutes saying "Why? Why? Why?" over and over getting louder all along. I am ignoring her in my room, but she follows me around and won't give me space. She will crank up music and do anything to annoy me as I am trying to fall asleep. Finally she winds down around 11. This is after coming in my bedroom and waking me at least 4 or 5 times for nonsense. Throughout all of this through the day are uncontrolled cursing, and telling me she hates me. I wake up each morning hoping for a better day. Arrgh!

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Anonymous said...

It sounds like you're past the point where Proverbs 22:15 would do any good, but you may have her read Proverbs 30:17 for personal motivation. If that doesn't work you may have to resort to Exodus 21:17 and/or Leviticus 20:9. Or you might simply try to find out why she's so angry. If she won't tell you, she may tell a doctor.

I don't think I'd be so concerned about your lack of control over her as I would be about her possibly having a lack of control over herself. What if she needs meds to calm down enough to keep from engaging in behavior that may turn self destructive in a blind desire to tick you off? The usual punishment doesn't seem to be working, so maybe there's a deeper reason for her aggression than the usual teen angst.

Anonymous said...

Go to her room while she is in school. Get all the things she values -- ipod, computer, etc -- and put them somewhere else, like at Grandma's house. Keep Grandma in on the deal, so she doesn't spill the beans that the stuff is there.

When your daughter comes home and finds all her stuff is gone, there will be a huge fight. But you will win, because you have just asserted your control over her life. You have deprived her of all her prized possesions. When she starts behaving appropriately, give one back. One a week.

I mean, all these things came from you, right? She didn't go out and buy any of these things? She sounds like she's been allowed to get away with murder for years. Nobody who was raised firmly would treat their parents like that.

She has obviously learned that you can't 'make' her do anything, so depriving her of privileges is going to hurt. How dare she physically assault you? You should press charges if appropriate to show that you mean business.

If she's this bad now, I expect perhaps you were very liberal with her when she was younger. She has learned to manipulate you and behave like a monster.

I would have got the strap if I spoke to my parents like that.

You could try reading Dr Michael Carr Greggs "Princess Bitchface Syndrome". I've heard it's very good. It's about raising girls right.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Try to get to the root of the problem. Most likely it's puberty and just going through a really tough phase.
I would send her off to military school. I doubt counseling would help much. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I could never imagine being this disrespectful to my parents like that.

Anonymous said...

when i acted like that, my mother sent me to a residential treatment center, where i stayed from age 13 to age18. if she continues to act like that, and the police get involved, they will put her into a treatment center without your consent, per court order. you should advise her on this fact, because her behavior will get worse if you continue to allow it. maybe you should make her talk to a psychologist so you can figure out what's wrong with her. if she wasn't raised to act like that, something could have happened to her that is causing her to behave like that. trust me, i know.

Anonymous said...

You have already let the problem get way to far. So you are going to have to set rules and stick to them no matter what she does. Eventually she will come around. When she doesn't do something that she is told punish her and stick with it. Don't give in to her no matter what.