Online Parent Support Chat

Mother is allowing the kids to get high...

I need help with the following issue:

I am fairly certain that my son has been going over a friend's house where the mother is allowing the kids to get high- and possibly smoking with them.

I told him he wasn't allowed over there but I am sure he will sneak over there. He is in drug counseling and is on probation for running away. I believe he is smoking K2 so it doesn't show up on his drug tests.

I know he is going to smoke regardless if he goes there but I really don't think ignoring this situation is best. Should I confront the mother and tell her that my son is not allowed there? Any other suggestions?

My Out-of-Control Teen


Anonymous said...

I would definitely confront the mother!

Anonymous said...

Check session 4 in Mark's ebook (online version)... he has some good suggestions there.

Anonymous said...

When you suspect your child might be using drugs, the faster you can jump in and be authoritative, decisive and strong, the better. You have to be like steel with this disease. When they are using alcohol or other drugs on a regular basis, kids can be incredibly manipulative and they will lie to your face. The way they can shift blame around so it’s your fault is unbelievable. They are masters of deception. The fact of the matter is, they have to lie if they are going to protect their ability to continue to use. Lying, deceit, cheating and dishonesty are part and parcel of this disease—not because the addicted person is a liar or a cheat by nature, but because the addicted brain needs drugs in order to function “normally.” Lying is one way to escape detection. Always remember: for an addicted person, the poison, and by that I mean withdrawal, is the antidote. What hurts the brain also makes the brain feel better. What hurts us in the short run heals us in the long run.

And remember, you are the parent. Your first role is to support and protect your child. You know they have a drug problem and it’s destroying their lives and you know if they have money, they might buy drugs. Cut the money off. Guard your wallet. If your child has a part-time job and you have good reason to believe they’re using the money to buy drugs, then you say, “We’re taking that money you earn from your job and putting it into an account for you so you can save it.” Let your kids suffer the consequences of their decisions.

By the way, if you think your child might be taking drugs, I personally don’t think it’s unreasonable to search their room. We’re afraid to use our power to impinge on their freedom and independence, but if they’re in trouble with drugs, they’re going to lose their freedom and independence and maybe their life. Check their rooms, and in places you’d never imagine. Check wall sockets, CD covers, look in their shoes, and take every bit of medication in your medicine cabinet and put it some place under lock and key. That’s everything—pain pills, heart medication, sleeping pills, anti-depressants. Believe me, kids will walk into their friend’s houses, take a few pills and see what happens—it doesn’t matter what the pills are. Even if your own child doesn’t have a drug problem, their friends might, so I would advise that you keep all prescription medication in a safe, inaccessible place in your house as a matter of course.