Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:
HELP!! My daughter is fifteen was suspended from school for smothering her legs in silver nitrate. We took everythign away, ipod, internet, mobile, phone and tv and was not allowed any social activites 5 days. Day 4 she leaves the house to go to footy training, after five minutes returns to see why we are not dragging her back. this was prior to purchase of book. Now it is school holidays have been fair in letting her go and meet friends as long has jobs around house are completed, which has been the case. Also our no.1 rule is safety when you are out and that we know where she will be and with who. At last minute plans changed on weekend and we discovered the internet protection had been hacked into and turned off on her laptop. Took away internet 5 days, and sent her to her fathers for 3 nights. Due home tomorrow and has informed me she is going to her friends tomorrow night adn will come home when she is ready. I have agreed to let her meet her friends and catch a movie and will pick her up. This is not acceptable to her, she has advised she is going anyway I cannot stop her. Worst part is ... she is right I can't stop her, and when we implement a punishment that includes not going anywhere we can not stop her going. The consequences pile up and we resolve nothing. Any suggestions??? HELP
3 comments:
It may be hard for a parent to understand why teen’s runaway, so here is a few reasons that may help you to understand. The teen may feel like they have to escape and get away from home to avoid something bad from happening. For example, maybe you have been fighting a lot and they feel they just can’t go through it again. They may be afraid you will be mad at them for something they did wrong or rules they disobeyed, or they may feel like you won’t forgive them so they have to leave.
A teen may be afraid that something bad might happen if they don’t leave home; this could be a child living with a step-parent that they fight a lot with, this step-parent may make them feel like everyone would be happier without them. It is possible that the teen just feel like you don’t understand them, and they runaway to be with others that will let them be themselves, whether it is right or wrong. Most teens don’t even realize and understanding the consequences of this type of action, they act without thinking first. A teen may runway to meet someone you told them to stay away from; perhaps they think they love each other and runaway together. Sometimes just plain being lonely and begging for attention will cause a teenager to runaway.
Signs to look for
Even though you could never really know for sure what a teenager may be thinking, there are signs that you can look for that can help alert you to possible problems. One thing to look for is, do you ever agree on anything, or does it seem you only argue and fuss all the time. Is your teen acting withdrawn and completely unsociable, do they never want to spend any time with the rest of the family? Does your teen act strange, or have extremely emotional feelings that are out of control? Has your teen been hanging out with bad company, others who drink alcohol, use drugs, or other teens that just go out to look for trouble? If you notice these signs it would be wise to try and communicate with your teen, even if you have to get outside help to do so.
Preventing teen runaways
Unfortunately we can’t completely prevent teens from running away, but here are a few suggestions that may help. Try showing your teen respect and keep communication open, listening to what they have to say. Don’t scream and yell, or threaten your teen, this will only make them want to leave more. Try not to interrupt your teenager when they do come to you to talk, sometimes it helps the most to just listen. If you don’t agree with your child at least listen to their side, then calmly give your side, if things start to get out of control, take a break. If you feel your child may runaway you can seek professional help with counseling, or just try talking to them and explain how much you love them, and that you will always be there for them.
Teens leave home for a wide variety of reasons, including trouble in school, arguments with their family, problems that arise due to their sexual orientation, and the influence of predators.
Runaways may leave on impulse, protesting a family quarrel over a rule or an isolated incident. But the main motivation for running away seems to be neglect or abuse at home. They decide that their only chance to survive is to run away.
However, what many of these teens learn is that they are no safer on the streets. From the mid-1970s to the present time, life on the streets has become more dangerous owing to increasing sexual exploitation and drug use. The dangers they face are often more harrowing than anything they would face at home; yet when they weigh their options, many of these teens often choose to stick it out on their own — believing they have at least some control over their lives — rather than return to an environment where they know they will be abused.
Situational Runaways are the largest group of runaways, comprised of young people who leave home for a day or two after a disagreement with parents. Although they may be seen in runaway shelters or spend a brief time on the street, they usually return home within a few days. A small percentage may repeat this behavior and remain away for longer periods. If so, they become a part of the chronic runaway group.
The suburban kid who runs to a friend's house the first time may turn into a chronic runaway who eventually finds her way to the heart of the nearby city, where other rootless kids hang out.
Runaways may leave for long periods of time, often progressing from repeat runaway to chronic runaway to street youth. The latter do not return home at all, but live in transitory housing, such as friends' apartments, shelters, cheap hotels, abandoned buildings ("squats"), or underneath high bridges. They tend to hang out at fast food restaurants, shopping malls and video arcades. These youth are usually totally on their own for their survival and are frequent victims of the violence and numerous dangers of the streets.
Throwaways are defined as youth who have left home because their parents have abandoned them, asked them to leave, or subjected them to extreme levels of abuse or neglect. Many in this group may have spent time previously with relatives or had periods of residence in foster care.
She'll come home eventually -- and when she does, do the following:
Be happy that your child is back home. Many teens fear the initial meeting with their parents. Remain calm. Express relief and tell your child you love him/her and that together you will solve any problems.
Make follow-up phone calls. Let all your contacts, including the police, know your child has returned home. Police may need to speak or meet with your child.
Allow time to settle in. Your child may need a shower, a meal, clean clothes, or sleep.
Get medical attention. Visit your family doctor to address any medical concerns.
Talk with your teen. Discuss how you can work together to prevent him/her from leaving again. Acknowledge some problems take time and effort to solve. Be sure you resolve the problems safely and reasonably.
Look for assistance and support. People and organizations in your community can help counsel your family. Asking for help is a sign of strength and shows you are taking the issue seriously. Visit your state's Family Help page for resources that can help and support your teen and your family.
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