Parents Support One Another @ MyOutOfControlTeen.com/support = I need help with the following issue:
MY 17 YR OLD DAUGHTER IS OUT OF CONTROL SHE JUST STARTED DRIVING AND I FOUND EMPTY BOTTLES IN THE CAR SHE WONT COME HOME ON TIME SHE DRIVES AFTER CURFEW SHE HANGS OUT WITH TRASH AND SHE SAID IF I CALL THE COPS SHE WILL MAKE UP LIES SAYING THAT I BEAT HER SHE SAID NO MATTER WHAT I DO SHE WILL TURN IT AROUND AND RUIN MY LIFE BY MAKING UP ANY LIE SHE CAN THINK OF, IM AFRAID OF MY OWN KID. WE LIVE IN NICE HOME I HAVE GIVEN UP MY LIFE TO RAISE THESE KIDS ALONE WITH NOT ONE OUNCE OF HELP SHE WORKS AND SHE BOUGHT HER OWN CAR BUT I PAY INS ON IT AND WHEN I THREATEN TO STOP THE PAYMENTS SHE SAYS SHES CALLING COPS ON ME AND GOING TO CLAIM ABUSE AND THAT I WILL NEVER WIN, HER FATHER DOESNT CARE AND REFUSES TO HELP ME HES REMARRIED AND DOESNT CARE ABOUT HIS KIDS. SHES A DEMON AND I AM BROKEN DOWN AND ALREADY BEEN HOSPITALIZED OVER THIS BECAUSE OF THE STRESS, I HAD BAD CAR ACCIDENT LOST MY JOB AND SHE DOESNT CARE AT ALL. I FEEL AS IF I HAVE CREATED A MONSTER AND IM AT A LOSS AS TO HOW TO FIX IT. IF I DONT GET SOME HELP I DNT THINK I CAN KEEP LIVING IN THIS MISERY,STRESS AND WORRY , MY DAYS AND NIGHTS ARE SPENT IN TEARS AND SHE DOESNT CARE.
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Distinguish between Healthy and Unhealthy Rebellion.
Rebellion takes many forms, from harmless talking back to defiant acts of drug and alcohol abuse or sexual activity. As a mother, you have to determine which acts fall under the healthy category and which cross the line into unsafe territory. Talking back is a clue that your daughter is in the throes of her first teenage rebellion. It signals that, while she's not yet articulate enough to express herself effectively, she's struggling to find ways to assert her autonomy.
Uncover the Roots of the Problem.
Out-of control behavior is a symptom of deeper problems. Consider how the two of you got to this point. Take a guess at the reasons your daughter is acting out. By identifying the reasons for your daughter's undesirable behavior, you'll be more apt to find the keys to correcting it. If you treat just the symptoms, the underlying trouble will still be there and will erupt again.
Ask Yourself: What have I done to contribute to the rift between us?
Think about when the trouble began. How old was she and what was going on in your family life? I have counseled hundreds of mothers and daughters whose relationships were badly damaged and getting worse. For healing to begin, it was important for the mother to understand what part she had in fueling the fires of defiance. If you're willing to take an honest look at yourself, you will find some answers.
Avoid Blame.
While some people claim that when a daughter is rebellious her mother is to blame, this usually is not true. Blaming the daughter for the difficulties does nothing to fix the problem either. There are many circumstances that contribute to the predicament.
Try Everything.
Mothers often feel that they have tried everything. They are convinced that nothing will work. These negative stances won't get you out of the rut. Even though you've tried everything you can think of, that doesn't mean there isn't a solution. Often we are so close to our own problems that we can't find the obvious answers. But if you're willing to stay open and seek help, the answers will come. Get outside opinions, but be sure they apply to your situation. Listen to your daughter and your own intuition and you may be surprised with the solutions you'll discover.
Be Willing to Negotiate.
The "fix my daughter" approach won't work. Both mother and daughter have to be willing to negotiate and find solutions they can both live with. There are times when there's nothing you can do to get your daughter to cooperate except wait until she's ready. If your daughter obstinately refuses to work with you, realize that you can't control her behavior, but you can control your own.
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