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Police are called weekly...

Parents Support One Another @ = I need help with the following issue: Juvenile system can be 6 months off, and 16 yr old continues to not come home for days, misses school, suspended, expelled, etc. Police are called weekly. 7 citations, 1 vandalism, continues. Contracts no good. Not getting cell, money, car, laptop and doesn't seem to matter. Any ideas?

1 comment:

Mark said...

I find that when parents continue to experience difficulties after 4 weeks, they have missed a couple important pieces.

Let's trouble shoot...

Below is a summary of all the assignments I gave you in the eBook. If parents do not implement most of these assignments, it is often the "kiss of failure."

For example, the transmission in your car has hundreds of parts, but if just one little tiny part is not working -- the whole transmission does not work. The same is true with this "parent program." Omit just one strategy, and the whole plan runs the risk of failing.

Check List--

Referring to the Online Version of the eBook:

1. Are you asking your son at least one question each day that cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or a "no" to demonstrate that you are interested in what is going on in his life?
2. Are you saying to him "I love you" everyday and expecting nothing in return?
3. Are you eating dinner together at least one evening each week -- either at home or out?
4. Are you using the Fair Fighting technique as needed?
5. Do you use "The Art of Saying Yes" whenever your answer is yes?
6. Do you use "The Art of Saying No" whenever your answer is no?
7. Do you catch him in the act of doing something right at least once each day?
8. Do you use the "When You Want Something From Your Kid" approach as needed?
9. Are you using “The Six-Step Approach” when something unexpected pops-up?
10. Do you give him at least one chore each day?
11. Do you find something fun to do with him each week?
12. When you are undecided about what to say or do in any particular situation, are you asking yourself the following question: "Will this promote the development of self-reliance in my son, or will this inhibit the development of self-reliance?" If it is supportive of self-reliance, say it or do it. If it is not supportive, don't!
13. Is he EARNING ALL of his stuff and freedom? (see "Self-Reliance Cycle")?
14. Have you watched ALL the videos in the Online Version of the eBook?
15. Are you putting on your best poker face when “things are going wrong?”
16. And perhaps most importantly, are you doing things to take care of your mental and physical health?

If you answered "no" to any of the above, you are missing some important pieces to the puzzle. Most parents DO miss a few pieces initially -- you can't be expected to remember everything! But don't get frustrated and give up. We must be willing to hang in there for the long haul.

I'm talking about refinement here. Refinement is a necessary tool to use in order to truly be successful with these parenting strategies.

HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS: Parents who refine are, on average, 95% - 100% successful at getting the parent-child difficulties reduced in intensity and severity (i.e., the problems are easily managed).

The same can be true in your case. Refinement is a process, not a one-time event.