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Misery or single parenthood?

Misery or single parenthood?

I'm intentionally pregnant in a 12 year relationship and my bf is being so horrible that I want out. I am POSITIVE it is not just my hormones as we have a history of his being an asshole, us breaking up, his being sugary sweet and then getting back together. He has caused nothing but strife since I became pregnant. Should I stay in an unhappy relationship because single parenthood is too hard? I'm really scared to do this alone but tired of putting up with his stupidity. And as for communicating with him.... that's the problem He won't talk. At all. I have come to believe he is actually incapable of adult communication. Problem is he makes enough money that I was planning to stay home with my baby for at least a year. Without him I'll have to put her in day care at 2 months. Not ideal. I dunno what to do.

2 comments:

ops said...

I would choose single parenting over staying in a relationship that makes me unhappy, brings discord into the home, and provides your child with an awful frame of reference for what an adult relationship is and how it should be. Yes, raising a child without a partner will be difficult, but will it be easy raising a child in the circumstances you describe? And if you have a history of breaking up and getting back together, well, that's not a picture of stability I want to raise a child with. And not only would I not want a child to be raised with that kind of relationship as a frame of reference (on which that child, as an adult, is likely to pattern his or her relationships, incidentally), but I don't want to raise a child with an image of women as people who stay in situations they don't like because the situation makes it easier for them financially, rather than standing up for themselves. Or with the idea that it's perfectly okay to be unable and unwilling to communicate in a relationship, especially if you bring $ to the table.

Is single parenthood the absolute ideal? No, of course not. But, goodness, single parenthood vs. misery....I'll take the single parenthood anyday of the week. I would (in the situation you describe) consider it better for me; *easier*, incidentally, in several ways, even if more difficult financially; healthier for raising a child; and also, frankly, maximizing the chance that I'd eventually find myself a *good* relationship, if that's what I wanted.

As for the finances, you may not have the luxury of staying at home for the first year, but don't overlook his financial responsibility towards his child -- which exists, and is enforceable, regardless of whether you stay in your relationship with him or not.

It sounds like a tough situation, and I wish you the best of luck. Congratulations on your pregnancy -- motherhood is an amazing ride, enjoy it!

ops said...

I would choose to be a single parent...no one has the right to treat me like that.