Online Parent Support Chat

He doesn't come home when he is told...

I have a 17 year old who will just get up and walk out the door...and say i'm going be back when i get back..what do i do? ..help! when i give him a little he will take it all.. he doesn't come home when he is told...will stay out longer then I told him too... what do I do?

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4 comments:

Anonymous said...

When my sister was about 13, 14, 15, she would run away all the time. At some point, there just really isn't anything you can do. Some teenagers go through a rebellious stage and it is something they just have to get over. You could always send him to military school to try to get his act together!

Anonymous said...

let him go. stop taking him back and trying to "save" him. he knows what he is doing. hes not stupid. i know it hurts to see him like this. he doesnt care. he is a user who is using you and your family to gain all the sympathy he can get. his thought process is this, i can get into trouble, they will bail me out. i can do what i want, they arent going to do anything about it. sorry i sound so harsh about this. i say to let him pay for his mistakes. someday he will learn.

Anonymous said...

I can so much relate to your desperation,as my 16 year old daughter has caused similar problems.I truly have tried everything to help her too,to no avail.Sometimes we as moms just have to 'let go' and allow them to learn from their own mistakes.Some kids really seem to have to learn the hard way!I wish I had more solid advice,but I am right down here in the foxhole with you.Take care of yourself,hun,and don't let it tear you apart.
Best wishes.

Anonymous said...

Children who are spoiled and who "get away with everything" - may be acting out as a way of challenging you to set some boundaries. Whether they realize it or not - or whether YOU do, or not - children not only need, but they WANT discipline, direction, and clear boundaries. It is necessary for countless reasons, which I'm sure I don't need to tell you. you should know however, that an overindulged child is not much better off than the abused; just in a different way. Think long and hard about that, and you'll come to understand. The proof is in your son. The problem is, many parents either love and don't discipline, or discipline without love. Love and discipline go hand in hand. Either, in their truest form, are interdependent and inseparable. Especially if you want it to work.

An undisciplined child may actually get the message in some form, that you don't care ENOUGH for them, to discipline them. Its kindof like having a healthy jealousy for the welfare of your child. How do you feel, when your boyfriend/husband seems he couldn't care less about another man showering you with inappropriate attention? Kinda mad, right? You don't want him to beat him/you for it, but you would like him to at least act like he cares. There is a balance - and a consequence. Do you see? The lack of discipline this child has experienced all his life until now, has trickled down into many manifestations of many side effects. You also mentioned depression, which must be considered and remembered, when dealing with him. But your case is not hopeless, and neither is his. It will take time and effort, but you both will make it out alright. But you and your son must be willing to hold yourselves accountable for your part in this. You are not evil, or an awful parent - he is not a bad son; but both of you do need to acknowledge your lack in judgement, and understand the direct cause-effect relationship. I'm not sure where the father fits in, but fill it in. I'm just saying that before any effective change can be made, acknowledgment of the root cause, when found - is vital.

Also, your son needs to have constructive, positive activities to fill his time. Then he will feel useful, and have purpose. He also won't have opportunity to get into mess. Idleness is the devil's playground. At any rate, I can only say so much, because I only have a snippit of all that's going on. But patiently, lovingly, firmly handle your son - and yourself. With the aid of counseling, you'll be alright. Answers will come with intensive searching and effort, but I do hope this insight helps. Take care. :)