Online Parent Support Chat

Big liar...

My 19 years old boy hates going to college and he is a big liar. Note: He lost a year in high school and his colleagues are now ahead of him. May be this is one reason. I feel he has a social retreat as well, though he still goes out in the weekend and meets friends. Lying is one of his means of getting what he wants, fooling us for we believe or want to trust him and he knows this and play on it through lying (No I am ok) (I am attending classes)(I promise) etc... and everything is just not true.We keep on telling an ugly truth is better than lying; however nothing can stop him from hiding the truth. He leaves the house every morning with a said intention that he is going to the university, but he goes elsewhere and we get asserted information that he was playing around or hiding somewhere. We are ready to help, but he doesn't even speak out. If we ask him what is wrong with the university he just says I am not comfortable. How? He do! isn't clearly answer. He wants to travel out of the country to continue his education abroad, in Canada. I am afraid I don't see him trustworthy to travel alone with all his lies and escaping mechanisms. He is spoiled and have always used lies to do, get what he wants or not doing what he hates. HELP

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Teenagers, even good teens, lie about things to parents for a couple of different reasons. They want their privacy, they want more freedom and feel they deserve to have it, and they make mistakes that get them into trouble which they need to get out of by lying. While parents may take lying about these issues seriously, teens, on the other hand, do not think it is a big deal. It is a parent’s responsibility to teach their teen that lying is a serious issue. But how can you tell if your teen is lying to you in the first place? Listed below are a few ways professionals use to spot when someone is telling a lie.

Here's How:
1. First and foremost, the faster you get over the shock that your teen will lie to you, the better you will be at spotting when he/she is lying. Your teen will not be trying to hurt you by lying, so try not to emotionally attach yourself to that action.
2. If your teen avoids looking at you when telling you a story or looks at you too long without blinking, this is an indication that he/she may be lying. People tend not to look at the person they are lying to in the eye when lying, unless they know this fact and then they tend to look at you for too long. If you talk to your teen on a regular basis, you'll see a deviation in how he/she behaves while communicating to you during a lie.
3. Many times when a person lies, they look down. When a person tells you what happened and it’s the truth, they tend to look up and ‘see’ the event happening as it did. But when someone is using their creativity to ‘make up’ what happened, they look down.
4. People who are lying fidget. But this is also a sign of stress, so don’t go by this alone. Ask to check up on the story.
5. People who are lying touch their face and mouth. This type of body language is something that happens often when someone is lying. It isn’t easy to pick up until you know to look for it.
6. Teens who are lying avoid details, or have well practiced details, and change the story in the second telling. Again, this doesn’t happen as often with highly intelligent teens. Ask to check up on the story and see how he she reacts.
7. There will be a pause. This one would tell me something is wrong when I had a teen on the phone. If I ask for details on what he/she was doing, there is always a pause before the answer. It’s time for the teen to make something up. This happens face to face too.
8. When someone lies, they get defensive and will not be happy if you chose to check-up on their story. It has been my experience when a teen is not lying, they offer ways for you to check up by giving you the phone numbers or names you need. They may be a little insulted – I fall back and regroup later – but they aren’t defensive. Being defensive and pitching a fit when asked to help you check the story is a sure sign something is amiss and the teen is lying.