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Daughter was self mutilating and using illegal drugs...

In May I found out my daughter was self mutilating and using illegal drugs. We found a treamtent facility went into counseling individual and family. Placing her in treatment was very hard but I truelly believed this could help my daughter. Continued doing random drug test. My 14 year old thinks that I take everyone away that she becomes involved with and I'm too strict. She developed a relationship with a neighbor lady twice her age. We continued random drug testing and out of 4 she only passed 1. This resulted in continued monitoring, little freedom. She become more and more verbal towards me. Her pshychologist diagnosed her with Bi-Polar and she was given Zoloft. I tried to ensure she took this daily. Her father (not in the home)never got involved with any of the counseling and refused to believe she had problems beyond being a teenager. She wanted to live with him as she is free to do as she wants. After 8 months it came to a head w! here she verbally and physically attacted me. My husband and I felt we had no other choice but to let her go live with her father as it was becoming to much not only for us but 2 younger children in the home. She claims she hates me and I'm the worst mother in the world. She refusesto call me adn I dont know wether to give it time or if she truelly does hate me. Was I too strict? I feel like a total failure as a mother. What can I do to help make things better yet let my daughter know I love her but I am the mother and she is the child and there is consequences for all actions both good and bad. Also she is no longer taking her meds nor in counseling as her father doesnt feel she needs them.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

There can be, and often are, many health concerns that affect people who self-harm by, among other things, cutting. To begin with, the short-term physical problems include infection, bruising, delayed or impaired healing and, of course, scarring. This is in addition to the psychological pain that these folks are experiencing, which often includes embarrassment, shame and guilt. In the long-term, scarring, which may not be totally correctable by plastic surgery, may be an end result. These scars will serve as permanent reminders of the pain that caused them to self-injure in the first place.

The prognosis varies depending upon the emotional or psychological state that caused the person to self-injure. That's why it's so very important to determine the factors that led to the behavior, including family or social issues, such as abandonment or sexual abuse, as well as any pre-existing personality disorders that need to be identified and treated.

I believe we are seeing more incidences of self-abuse mainly because there are more children now than 20 or even 10 years ago. Combine this with an increased awareness among health-care professionals, and we have an environment where more people who self-injure are coming forward and are being identified and helped. I also believe the Internet plays an important role, especially for teenagers as they are able to get more information to either help themselves, or their friends.

There are multiple studies that state self-abuse is more common in girls than boys, but the exact reasons are unclear. There is a common belief that boys seem to be able to suppress their feelings and put them aside, at least for a while as younger adults. Girls, however, often deal with their emotions and let them out in some manner. It can either be constructive, or in the case of self-injury, destructive.

Please, please do not judge or blame your child for what has happened. It's so very important to try and listen — to really hear what they have to say. Your child is in a lot of psychological pain and is trying desperately to deal with it. Just hug them if they will let you, or sit by their side. The first things to say are: "I am so sorry you are going through this. You must be hurting so very badly inside, and no matter what has happened in the past, I am your parent and I love you. What can I do to help?" Parents, now is the time to put away all your thoughts about what is best for you. It is a time to get to the best professionals in your area who work with children who self-abuse. Do your homework, call a local support group, talk to your child's pediatrician and/or local social-service professional for recommendations for health-care professionals who can help your child. This is a time for you to offer guidance to your child — not discipline or punishment.