Here are some suggestions:1. Read some articles on this web site that describe what addiction and substance abuse are about. They are responses to problems more than they are the cause of the problems. 2. What can you do to help your daughter find genuine expression of her interests and values? Can you ask her if she would rather be in another school or career track or course of study? I do agree that it sounds as though she is not happy with her current situation. But you must accept whatever signs she gives you about what she would rather do without imposing your expectations and values on her. 3. It seems that, in part, your daughter may have developed different values from you, including her attitudes towards drugs and alcohol and her sexuality. If you can accept as legitimate different forms of expression, you will have an easier time conveying the essential message that your daughter should not hurt herself or others through drug use or lack of care about leading her life, making friends, doing well at school, etc. 4. Obviously, the difficult part is discriminating between acceptable rebellion from your values and self-destructive behavior. This is a tricky course to navigate. You might benefit from discussing this with a friend or friends you respect, perhaps even getting them involved in the conversation with your daughter. Can you identify anyone in your family or among your acquaintances whom your daughter respects for this purpose (perhaps a young adult relative who has passed through some of this can serve as a role model)? 5. The point is not to get so wrapped up in the surface issues that you don't deal with the underlying ones. At the same time, underlying issues tend to develop over a long period of time and they involve your own personality as well as your daughter's. These basic issues therefore take some care and collaboration to overcome.
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