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I NEED HELP! specially parents (my 14 yr old)?

well i have a big problem with my 14 yr old actually i am using her account since i dnt have a YA! so i am usin my daughters.

anyway this is what happend her teacher came to my house and haded me the paper which my kid had done and this is how she had handed in 600 lines given to her by her class teacher

""i will not misbehave in class or disturb the class ever again and i will learn to respect my elders" x 600

it is quite funny but i cannot just let it pass she is 14 years and cnt go around behavin like this her behavior is very bad and she is very naughty espesially in school she is a bit smarter than her age but i am certainly not pleased with her behaviour.

my question is can anyone tell me a suitable punishment for my 14 year old mischievous dauhter?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I used to be a super rebellious teenager, who have done everything (except trying recreational drugs), from letting my straight As drop to Ds and Fs to snapping and talking back to adults (parents, their friends, teachers, & other school personnels), and even attempted suicide. The more I got punished, the MORE rebellious I became. From all of that rough experience, I became a teen counselor, advocate, and spokesperson for teens in different high schools. This is my insights into our minds:

1. Such behavior is definitely a SERIOUS cry for YOUR attention, not the teachers' attention.

2. There's something your child is ANGRY about and she feels frustrated at not being able to, or not knowing how to, tell you or resolve the issue(s). The biggest part of the anger stems from thinking that NOBODY CARES enough to ASK me what was wrong or what was bothering me. All that everybody had done was just lecturing at me or talked down to me, like I was the worst, the most evil person on the planet.

3. Take a few hours off your busy daily schedule and take your daughter out to lunch, or do some activities that she likes. Taking her to her favorite activity will REMOVE her defenses and open her heart up for communication. Start by telling her that she has your full, undivided attention now. Start with a brief statement that IDENTIFIES her feelings (put a name to her feelings). Teens already have so much to juggle between academics, self-discovery journey, and peer pressure, so if you can correctly name all the emotions she's trying to cope with right now, you can build a bridge for open communication. The reason teens shut up and don't share anything with adults is because we don't think that adults can understand what we're going through. In trying to name her emotions, put yourself in her shoes and REMEMBER how you once felt when you were her age. It's OK that teens don't understand how hard it is to be a parent, but, as a parent, you would most definitely be able to identify with her feelings, because you have already experienced teen years.

4. After identifying her feelings and showing her that you understand, then ask her what she's angry about. Do that by telling her a story of your own experience that shows her you know that familiar anger and/or frustration. Tell her what other stuff you've done in the past to vent out your anger.

5. Once you show her that you can be a friend to her, then you tell her how INEFFECTIVE her method of venting really is and why. Tell her how disappointed and frustrated YOU feel toward her behavior. Talking about your negative emotions openly will show her the perfect example of what you just said about venting in an ineffective manner.

6. Then ask her for HER input about how to handle this dilemma she's currently in. Of course she won't want any punishment. But ask her what are some effective methods to address this current issue that she got herself into. What's a good way to mend the relationships between her and the teachers? What's a good way for her to mend YOUR broken heart in disappointment toward her behavior? What can she do from now on to keep open communication with you, so that this type of communication problems don't surface again? By involving her in this type of thinking up solutions, you will actually make HER be responsible for her own actions. This way, you're not punishing her like a toddler, but rather treating her like a teenager, who should be responsible to make amends (real-life, concrete solutions) for what she has done. If she gets stuck, then offer your ideas as suggestions. By addressing the issue, you are not “letting it go,” thereby you're making a statement that she and her behaviors (good or bad) are IMPORTANT to YOU.

7. Write down all the possible solutions that you BOTH have named. And give a specific time frame for her to carry out those actions. Keep her ACCOUNTABLE to what she said and promised to do. Give her a deadline of what to do by when, for each action she named. Then you write a list of possible REWARDS for each SUCCESSFUL outcome (not just for carrying out the actions). Don't just buy her stuff or give her gift cards, but reward her with activities that you can both do together. If she likes shopping, then take her malling together with you, but she can still shop with her own allowance so you don't have to spend an extravagant amount of money on shopping. If you do reward with a gift card, then still take her shopping together with you, but limit the spending to only the gift card and nothing more.

It is not punishment that will get us to be more open and less rebellious, but rather a parent's time, patience, and loving and caring efforts that will get our attention. Be our friend. Be there for us. LISTEN to us with an open heart instead of condemning us as the evil monster that needs to be chained.