Online Parent Support Chat

I have a huge problem...

I have a huge problem. My son 14 year old son stays with my parents at times to help me out while working. Last night my parents neighbors house was opened during the night. The house was not broke in to, but rather someone with a key left the front door open and even opened their garage door from inside the house. Only 3 people have keys to her house, her 2 daughters and my parents. The Police officer questioned her about kids. When she mentioned my son, the Police officer, who has been to our house before, already knew and suspected him.

Nothing was taken from their home and she could not believe my son would do something like that to her. I asked my son about the incident and he denies ever doing it or even knowing about the key.

My son is not saavy when it comes to certain things so after hearing all the facts, I do believe him. My parents, however, do not and I can only imagine what he is going through with every one pointing their finger at him.

I am trying to keep him positive, he did though bring this on himself, for past misdeed, and I have to admit, I can see him lying about something like this. I even asked him if he gave the key to one of his friends.

I listened to how my parents were talking to him and realized that he must feel like everyone is always against him accusing him first then asking questions. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I don't want to look stupid either, if he did do this. At this point it just doesn't seem to add up that he did do this.

I think I know my son well enough and can usually tell when he is lying. Any suggestions on how I can help him through this and not have him hating everyone, yet at the same time not lose faith in him that he might actually be changing for the better?


Anonymous said...

I have a similar situation with my son, who is currently in juvenile detention for something I don't believe he did. But -- he did do similar things in the past, and his past has caught up with him. Karma I guess you could say.

He got away with a lot of misdeeds, and know he's receiving a consequence for something he didn't do. I guess it all evens out in the long run. You know, what goes around comes around.

He's a slow learner, but I think my son understands that he brought all this on himself.

Bubba said...

I work with a youth organization (ages 12 to 19) and if there is one common problem these kids face, it is the lack of belief that adults afford them.

If your son has told you that he did not do it, and you truly believe him, then you need to tell him that you believe him and you believe in him. The reason other adults dont believe him is because of his past history.

Tell him that he should not allow the words of the other adults to bother him, but he must take responsibility in his past discressions. If your parents or other adults make comments to your son about this issue, he needs to do the following (and these are not easy for teens):

1. Stay calm and do not argue with the person;
2. Tell the person making the comment " I realize I have made mistakes in the past, and I understand your feelings toward me, but you simply must belive me that I am innocent in this issue. If you dont belive me, than I am sorry you can not put your trust in me!" and
3. He will need to calmly stand his ground as an adult.

I know your son is only 14, but today, some of these kids are both street smart and sure of them selves. If we look back only 100 years ago, a young man of this age, would already be working on a career.

If you treat these young members as young adults and allow them some responsibility, you may see a positive change in their attitude and drive. If you simply treat them as kids, you will have a kid on your hands.

Look at this link, and you will find a graet youth building organization that may help you and the development of your son.

The the botton line, believe in him, show him you do believe in him, and you'll see some positive changes.


B MacKinnon
(aka Bubba Gump)